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Match Report 1 by Ref extraordinaire Sean
As much as I hate to spoil our” back heel “ OG scoring specialist and webmaster extraordinario, Brian. I am getting my game #1 report in earlish with a day to spare.
Here is your game # 1 match report for 08/10/2026:
In a week where the Spanish housing crisis lead to Pedro Sanchez calling for an early election. For all you living in the expat” foreigners bubble” here on the Costa Del Sol. Pedro is the Spanish Prime Minister!
On a warmish Thursday morning that was 08/10/2026. A group of over the horizon football enthusiasts, were called to the Polideportivo Benalmadena. The housing crisis would have to wait! There was walking football game to be played.
We were joined this week by lads with funny accents from a place called, Kempsham. Another place I couldn’t identify on a map. I really must take a class on English towns I have never heard of.
Our hero’s this week were forced to play or attempt to play on a, shall we say “!more spacious, field. So much is the popularity of men and some women, turning up to relive their boyhood dreams of lifting the cup for the team and tearing a groin muscle to boot.
There was no unofficial referee for the game,as late call outs resulted in skippy, new hip Fox having the dawn a Red bib and play.
From kick off the Black team lead by Hooverboard Kevo in center back assisted by Scotlands “ Joe” the new Archie Gimmel of Benalmadena. With Steve the Welsh Wizard and H at the back.
While H shared his unique form of positive reinforcements,i.e insulting opponents and teammates alike. Up front or rather to the side of upfront was new boy “I never met a shot opportunity I won’t try” , Ronnie. The Blacks were rounded off with 3 Kempsham lads, another Day-eveee, Marrrkkkl and Steeevee! Who all put in shifts at the back on defence and left wing respectively.
Reds were marshalled by Our Keith, giving advice and criticism, like a dear Abbey” column of yesteryear. He was assisted by the human loud speaker, Steve Loasby, Capt the fantastic “Scouser” Gary and Day-evee! of the new hip watch me skip, Fox. On the left side, twinkle toes the mad scientist Ian worked his trade. Putting in a dazzling, dancing performance.
Pete the Fish was everywhere, except where he should have been. Reds were also afflicted by at least two of our strange talking Kempsham visitors, Andy and Jim. Who probably wondered what they did in life to deserve to be treated this way and forced to play with this bunch of nutters.
Oh! how could I forget to mention the human’ where’s Waldo ‘ himself, blending in with the opposition defenders so well. His teammates can’t find him, Bambi.
Blacks jumped out to an early 10-0 lead due to Joe’s hard work, Kevo side foot passes and Ronnie’s use of the larger goal posts. Even this reported got in on the act as shoots that would normally have gone a mile wide, instead sneaking inside the post.
Gary working hard for Reds, got off some shots that normally would have rattled the back of the net. But on this occasion he was denied by H’s cat like acrobatics and my ape length arms.
Reds did finally make the score more respectable with goals by one of the Kempshamers. That tricked passed a Black’s keeper , how has master the art of not giving a shit by this point in the processings.
Another goal was scored for Reds by anybody but Bambi.
The final score was 11-2 I think, but it is that important?
As alway no animals were hurt or injured during the making of the production. The only think hurt was our egos! Until next time.
Match Report 2 by Fez
Big game 2 – 08/10/2026 10 v 10 so half a pitch was marked up..
The teams were as follows –
Blacks – Bob Keynsham, Simon Keynsham, Eddie 🥅, Fez 🐶, Dave 🐝 , Jonny 🇭🇺 , Tolga 🪖, Han 🛵, Mercedes 🏎🟀, Alan 🎤
Reds – Mario Keynsham, Geoff Keynsham, Jim 🏴, Darren 💷, Majid 😊, Paul 🎂, Mark 🐦, John ⚡️, Martin 🏴, Richard ⚒️
The match day referee was Mark ⚽️
We welcomed Keynsham walking football team for their annual visit to Benalmadena each team had two players, including game 1.
We also have a game arranged for 09/102026..😳
The reds certainly had the stronger team on paper, although as we know from many a game & report, it’s the team that gels and plays the best on the day.. The reds certainly gelled and played the best on the day…
The blacks were indebted to Eddie who pulled off a number of good saves and got in the way of numerous other Red’s attempts on goal, the reds took the lead when Jim took advantage of a slack pass out from the back, intercepted the ball and stroked it home from the edge of the box..
1-0
The blacks finally got some decent possession and moved the ball around well between Han, Tolga and Mercedes who slid the ball to Fez, he took a touch and found the top corner..
1-1
The reds turned the screw and continued to dominate but couldn’t get passed Eddie, who continued to pull off some great saves.
The reds had a better team set up and had control of the ball, dictating the play, Dave, Jonny and Alan made several good interceptions to prevent the score going in the favour of the reds…
Bob and Simon worked hard down the left, Simon picked up a calf injury and played through the pain.
Tolga and Mercedes battled in the midfield, but were often out numbered by a more organised reds team…but they worked up and down the pitch getting in blocks and breaking up the play..
For the blacks, they were rotating their keeper, Geoff & Mark marshalled the rear with a mix of Darren & Rich sitting in front picking up loose balls or cutting out forward passes.. Martin & Jim played along the front line being supplied by Majid, John out wide & Paul bursting forward..
Goal two came from good one and two touch football from the reds, the ball pinged around and was pulled back to Mark who strolled forward and unleashed a shot which Eddie could only parry into the net…
2-1 Reds..
The blacks were now running out of steam and now they were behind, lost their way.. The red tails were up and they continued to make chance after chance… often the game was played solely in the black’s half..
It’s wasn’t long before Martin swivelled on the edge of the box and found the bottom corner ! He had just cleared his head after an unfortunate fall whereupon he landed nose first… the graze bled and he had to receive first aid from compatriot Jim 🏴
3-1 Reds
Darren had already seen an effort hit the left post, the bar and then the right post before Eddie could gather it in… with gaps appearing in the blacks defence he picked up a pass from Majid and let fly into the roof of the net leaving Eddie with no chance of keeping the ball out..
4-1 Reds
It’s not often we play on a full pitch with each game being played on a much larger area, Paul pointed out he covered 5k during a ‘small’ game he would normally cover 4k !
The game was played in the right Spirit and Mark had little do, well done everyone and thank you referee 👍
So on to our next game, which is tomorrow (Friday) as Monday is a bank holiday..
* Club Social Tuesday 13/10/26 Mags Place Benalmadena – If you haven’t booked your place yet, please contact Fez 🐶 or Dave 🐝 ASAP with €10 just a few spaces left.. 🍻*