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Rorys Ramblings

Releasing the Inner Child

While it is generally acknowledged
psychotherapy, conducted by a well qualified and experienced practitioner is the best way to address the needs of the inner child, Walking Football has found a way to delve deep into the psyche to release the long-dormant two year old in every 60/70/80 year old playing the game. More dummies were thrown out in today’s game than a skip at the Volvo crash test centre in Malaga.

In amongst the tantrums (that their parents had singularly failed to deal with at the appropriate time), there was a jolly good game of soccer ball with some standout performances from “total football” (and Ajax wunderkind) Ton for the reds, and tough tackling Hammers diehard Al for the blacks.

The blacks started well, but Sean showed what years of Irish dancing training can do for your twinkle toes in goal. He pulled off a string of unbelievable saves with his feet which has now provided the choreography for Micheal Flatley’s latest dance spectacular entitled Saoirse Ronan .

Unbelievably, Bambi had a series of shots on target which were brilliantly deflected by Ireland’s champion dancing goalie.

Eventually, the reds started to get a toe in the game and started to find the dynamic duo Ken and Ton up front. Paul was no mug in goal and pulled off a number of fine saves to keep the blacks in the game. The blacks were having the slightly better of the game with Kevin and Dave the Owl combining well in midfield. Neither of them could hit the barn door the reds had erected in front of their goal, so the game remained in a stalemate.

That his until the reds hit Ton on the break and the big man duly obliged by hitting the target as Paul dived gracefully out of the way. Reds 1-0 Blacks.

Alvin tried a couple of speculative shots, but these only troubled the ball boy who had to walk to the farthest parts of the Poli to retrieve the ball.

Meanwhile big Ton ghosted into space and was brilliantly put through by Graham to lash the ball into the net to make it two nil. Reds 2-0 Black.

As the game progressed the inner child became increasingly visible. There was more arguing with the referee (or surrogate parent), and a tendency for some players to run after Ken in an attempt to stop him from shooting (shame on you!). The blacks deservedly pulled one back when Alvin struck a great low shot past a statuesque Graham in goal. Reds 2-1 Blacks. Paul emerged from goal to inject some further energy into the blacks’ midfield. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell him it was walking football! The blacks drew level with a fantastic strike from the Fish into the bottom corner. Reds 2-2 Blacks.

Steve was having a bit of a mare and failed to find a team mate with any of his 196 attempted passes. Here’s hoping Wrexham have an equally profligate time when they face the Boro in one of Saturday’s many nerve jangling championship promotion dog-fights. Some careless play between Kevo and Rory allowed Kevin’s telescopic left leg to intercept the ball and drill it into the bottom corner to make it Reds 2-3 Blacks.

The reds were controversially awarded a penalty after the ball struck Geoff’s knee as he galloped out of the box to prevent a certain goal. Unfortunately for him, the only person who thought it was a handball was Dave the ref. Geoff duly packed his bags taking home the ball, the goals, and half the turf in a fit of pique only bettered by Diego Simeone when Arsenal were awarded a similarly dodgy penalty. In the true “spirit of the game” Ton tapped his penalty to the stand-in keeper to ensure no harm was done.

Geoff duly returned, bringing the goalposts and the parts of the pitch he had taken with him. This nadir of the game was followed by some more dummy throwing drama as the reds deservedly equalised. Ton was put through on goal only to be hauled down from behind by a desperate Kevin. The referee correctly awarded a penalty as a goal scoring chance was denied. The blacks had a collective meltdown due in part to their failure to have read the rules. The referee (surrogate parent) used all his best parenting skills to restore order.

This time, big Ton made no mistake and thumped in the equaliser while simultaneously securing himself another hat trick (greedy ba*ta*d). The blacks proved too strong and young Alvin grabbed himself a brace by (against all the laws of probability) hitting the target twice in one game. Reds 3-4 Blacks.

Wing man Ken was denied a late equaliser when he flicked the ball into the lower stratosphere. On re-entry the ball bounced in front of Geoff in goal and spun into the back of the net. Unfortunately, given the length of time the ball spent orbiting the earth, t’ committee had just enough time to re-write the rules to ensure the goal didn’t stand, because, yes you guessed it, the ball was over head height. Final score Reds 3-4 Blacks.

The boys respectfully picked up all their dummies and toys before leaving the pitch, and heading to the bar for a sports beer. Thanks to Dave for trying to keep control.

Colins Corner

Thursdays game 2 was another small sided 6 v 6 affair and before we kicked off ref John showed us his nice shiny new red and yellow cards to put some fear into us I presume?

For half a game it was end to end passing, moving, blocking, shooting, saving and running with no goals scored.

Just before half time John decided Dave 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 was running just a bit too much and binned him for 2 minutes.

Unfortunately on resuming the 3rd quarter he was binned again and at this point decided to walk off altogether which left an unbalanced game.

By now Dave 🚖 still struggling from Monday replaced Steve in goal for reds and Jim who’d been in on goal numerous times but always thwarted by Eddie managed to find the goal that put reds 1-0, but of course blacks were a permanent man down.

With more attacking players in black, between Darren, Peter, Dave 👑 and Maj they were pulling reds defensive players in Colin, Steve and Keith all over the pitch and many a last ditch block or fine save kept the game 1-0 going into the last quarter.

Dave 🚖 swapped shirts putting Steve back in goal for reds and them a player short.

All was fine still, Steve was ordering everyone around, Jim and Joe were leading the line, Colin was marking Darren as best he could so when Steve passed the ball out to Keith on the left wing you would’ve thought he’d simply pass the ball up the line to Jim waiting in space…..

……footballs a funny old game, only Keith knows why he passed the ball beyond Steve straight into his own goal!! 1-1

With reds a player down the defensive minded had to play further up the pitch to mount an attack and inevitably left space behind for Peter, Maj and ultimately Darren to score 2-1 blacks and that’s how it ended.

A plea to all players, you may disagree with the ref, but he has to be backed whatever his decision so don’t go storming off, reflect on why you’ve been sin binned for 2 minutes and adjust your gameplay, don’t ruin it for everyone else