Colins Column

It’s not often that Colin leaves home at 10:20 to go to football and doesn’t get home until 5pm and his wife would prefer it stays that way.

In my defence I scored 2 goals, we had builders in and Geoff announced free beer, or no Tab, which is the same thing! so the planets were aligned.

If I can remember the game, it started off with Sean having found a pea for his whistle and boy did he blow it. Even he didn’t always know why, but we sort of decided for ourselves what the infringement might have been.

Reds were a man down with Fred, our founder member and stalwart of defence, though recently seen in the attacking half, calling off sick though it’s possible his wife found something useful for him to do, but we’ll never know, against a one man stronger black team, (I’m no author, but I think I got away with not too many commas in that last bit)

So blacks were one man stronger than reds, but 3 goals from Daza, Colin (I know) and Graham had reds in a strong position, was the ref being fair in his last game, well he didn’t disallow Colin’s goal which left him (me) in some sort of wonderland, but as pointed out later it was only a rebound off of a rebound from the keeper that I tucked away, so impossible to overrule, but I’ll be replaying it in my sleep 😅

So 3-0 reds became 3-1 when Dave 🦉 (he’s a Sheffield Wednesday fan, hence 🦉) tonked a goal in reply.

Memory isn’t so good now but Kevo from one of the Ridings (definitely not South, because that doesn’t exist, have you noticed that even up North no-one wants to be from the Southern bit 😉) scored a 4th for reds.

Colin (me) scored a 5th which was commented on later, having been scored from the outside of his (my) boot. I only labour my 2 goals having been harshly denied 2 previous goals in 2 previous games.

Then Ton scored, who somehow lost his marker Colin, followed by Bambi and reds ran out 6-2 winners.

Later it was discovered that “random Dave” the electrician or Sparky as he’ll be known from now (if he ever returns) somehow just managed to have an afternoon of free beer, but because he was seen in deep discussion with Keith was deemed to be one of “us” but was really just here to see what we were about, as he discovered a drinking club that has a walking football habit.

In other news, Steve, “I’ve been sacked twice by Rupert Murdoch for something I said” was sent off in game 2 and may step up to be referee in game 1 on Monday, if he’s up to it!, but that’s another story for another day and Rory will explain..

Then there was lots of beer and looking forward to Sam Juan tomorrow where we do it all again but this time without football but with wives.

Oh, then Geoff (Sonic) (who doesn’t run), returned with his wife (nice lady), daughter (another nice lady,) and ballboy/grandson and bought another jug of beer that led to Colin not getting home until 5! 😉

Rorys Ramblings

The heat had been cranked up to gas mark 9 in the oven formerly known as the Polideportivo. Even though the stumblers were playing on a faithful recreation of the legendary Retamar hockey pitch, it still looked too big a space for seven a side. The blacks welcomed back deadly striker flyboy Gary, who as always was determined to get himself on the score sheet, if we’d had one. He was playing alongside Jim who was in a rich vein of form and was guaranteed at least one goal a game. The rest of the team comprised the usual journeymen footballers, searching for that one moment of glory in front of Geoff’s grandson, the only person watching, and even he wasn’t.

The reds were led by Steve who having just failed to get sent off in the previous game had a look of fatalistic determination about him. Could John the ref resist booting him into the sin bin, not for any foul or unsportsmanlike play, but for arguing too much (check the rule book). The game was tighter than Keef’s wallet on a club night out, and it took some time before the first opening appeared. Fortunately, Rory in the blacks’ goal was on his toes (practicing a pas de deux) when it mattered and thwarted the always dangerous goal poacher Fez. To keep the scores level at the first break. Having rehydrated, both teams decided to try and score a goal as this the purpose of the game after all.

Once again, the normally reliable Prak had a mental block and passed the ball across the goal for it to be intercepted by the swooping Gary. The striker brilliantly knocked the ball across the box for Jim to calmly side foot the ball into the bottom corner. Can nothing stop this man from scoring? Blacks 1-0 Reds. (Opta Stats: 55% of all WFS goals arise from players passing it across the box.)

With the modest total of five Daves playing in the game there was more than the usual level of confusion when the shout went up for Dave!! Meanwhile Pete was doing a good job of convincing Fez that he had a new bestie, and those weren’t Fez’s hands in his pockets! As the blacks pressed forward for a second, the ball broke to Gary on the left side of the box and the opportunist poked it home from close range to make it Blacks 2-0 Reds. Dave the cab delivered what looked like the coup de gras when he pulled out a nice body swerve, sent the defender the wrong way and hit the back of the net with his left peg, which is usually only used for resting on a coffee table. Blacks 3-0 Reds.

The reds looked like they were cruising, but Martin started to dominate midfield with Prack making more penetrating runs down the wing. Dave the bee was looking dangerous and pinged off a couple of shots which hit the frame of the goal. Then someone explained to him that you’re meant to get it between the posts. Steve was setting up some nice moves through the middle of the park but was harshly sent into the sin bin for demonstrating that he could count up to four on one too many occasions. It may have been harsh but was also extremely funny. The reds managed to cling on without their talisman and the blacks weren’t too bothered about pushing for a fourth. Goal of the game was scored by total football Gert who ghosted in behind the defence and brilliantly cushioned Fez’s cross into the back of the net. Blacks 3-1 Reds

Was a comeback on? The reds certainly felt so, and Fez upped the pressure with a brilliant turn and shot sending the keeper the wrong way to get the reds right back in it. Blacks 3-2 Reds. The reds kept the pressure on and Prack started asking a few questions of the blacks’ defence, such as: what is the circumference of the moon; and do dogs dream? While the blacks were scratching their heads he managed to fire a couple of great shots just past the post.

The reds were pushing hard for an equaliser and creating most of the chances. Total football Gert almost got a brilliant second by ghosting away from Rory and brilliantly volleying against the upright. Maybe it wasn’t to be for the reds. The moment of the match came when Fez was yet again denied by some brilliant goalkeeping by Dave King in the blacks’ goal. The first volley from Fez was superbly beaten out before he flung himself full length to block another shot from the disbelieving Fez. The reds’ shoulders noticeably sagged, and moments later they were on their knees when Pete found himself the farthest up the pitch and used his big toe to good effect by toe poking it past Tommy (aka Dave) in the reds’ goal. A sight so rare it was rarer than the sight of a Dodo taking a ride on the back of a turtle. Final Score Blacks 4-2 Reds.

Well played everyone, it was a great game well refereed by John.