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Rorys Rumblings

It was a beautiful morning at the Poli as the mist crept down over the hallowed turf. The geriatric athletes were looking…. well, they were looking. Anyway, nuff said. The fox had cobbled together a couple of hardcore teams for game two, otherwise known as the “fast” game. He’d cleverly put all of the tacklers from behind in one team, I’ll leave the punters to work out which one that was. Anyway, the reds had Dave the Cab, Pete the Pirate, Colin, and Alvin plus Hannibal Lecter. The reds immediately chucked all their fava beans in the nearest bin. It was looking gruesome.

Meanwhile the unsuspecting blacks were looking a bit total football. Overlapping goalkeeper, “our” Keef was between the sticks, with his outsized gloves from cheapo sports.com making him look like a cut price Kenny Everett.

The reds had a solid midfield comprising Prak, Rory and Paul. Glyn was upfront in a forlorn attempt to show that Man Utd players can score goals.

The game started off with the reds dominating possession whilst simultaneously evidencing why most Premier League teams have resorted to hoofing the ball up the pitch to a big centre forward. Back to the future.

Eventually, with 99.99999 percent recurring possession, the reds had a couple of chances to score, but “our” Keef managed to get his torso in the way and avoided some early embarrassment.

The blacks looked comfortable in defence until Prak let his inner Preston North End send a mis-hit pass across the box to give Dave the Cab his high point of the game when the cockney Liverpool supporter skillfully banged the ball home. Reds 1-0 Blacks.

The blacks were stung into action and laid siege to the reds goal, as they gradually started to appreciate that they should pass the ball to another person in a black shirt.

“Our” Keef was starting to make some stirring overlapping runs down the right wing…who cares that no-one’s in goal.

But L’il Alvin was on fine form, snuffing out any emerging threats on goal where the pony-tailed total football Dutch ball wizard Gert was the goal guardian. Just as the blacks thought they might be creeping back into the game Paul threw in some comedy football when he tried to back heal the ball to “our” Keef in goal, and instead triggered an Oscar winning ball juggling display between his shins and his knees before the ball trickled to Alvin to bang the ball home.

Doh. Reds 2-0 Blacks
As the game progressed the blacks convinced themselves the reds were starting to tire.

Amazing what age can do. After a rare foray forward the blacks managed to extract a thoroughly undeserved corner. Rory stubbed his toe while firing the ball across the box into a vortex of controversy.

Dave the cab couldn’t resist the urge to toe poke the ball back to the keeper while inadvertently stepping across the hallowed line into the box. Eagle eyed John the ref spotted the infringement and immediately awarded a penalty to the blacks.

Dave the Cab immediately deployed the ruminations of the great philosopher Nietzsche to try and cover for his aberration.

As most walking footballers know, Nietzsche believed there was no such thing as objective truth, thereby intimating to John that it was not indeed a penalty but merely an individual perception. John responded by telling Dave to f**k right ‘cos he was in charge.

After all the kerfuffal, Glyn stepped up and passed it to total football Gert’s left foot enabling him to pull off a

One corner later Glyn redeemed himself by brilliantly managing a one-two with Rory before slotting the ball home from a tight angle to give the blacks some fresh hope. Reds 2-1 Blacks.

The reds were starting to lose their discipline and blacks could sense blood. Surely they couldn’t turn this game around. Of course, anyone who has regularly read these reports knows that they can! During the break, Prak had changed his feet around and was starting to have more
influence on the game. “Our” Keef had pulled off a couple of match winning saves to keep the blacks in the game.

The blacks drew level following another controversial decision when Glyn bagged himself a brace by volleying the ball home and stepping into the box.

John consulted VAR and rule 764 subsection 34 of the WFS rule book which allowed the goal to stand. Dave the Cab’s head did a triple salchow flew thirty feet in the air and spun back down onto the awaiting brain pan.

Reds 2-3 Blacks.

The blacks were on fire and their high press eventually paid off after they’d pressed five pairs of trousers and bri-nylon shirts which forced Colin into spilling the ball to Rory to fire the sphere into an empty goal.

Reds 2-4 Blacks.

The blacks finally put the game to bed when they counter-attacked after a prolonged period of attacking from the reds.

The blacks managed to squeeze the ball out to Prak who struck a brilliant shot from just inside to opposition half to beat Gert who was well outside of his goal.

What a turnaround! Final Score Reds 2-5 Blacks.

Of course, only the winners think it was a good game. But it was a good game. Thanks to the ref for doing a great job and calling a good game.