Time until the next game at Benalmadena Polideportivo

Fast Farts Report by Rory

Who would have thought it, our Keef has done one again!!

Well, soccerball wannabees, what a game of poor touch and mis-timed tackles there was at the fast game this morning.

With quasi-paddy Rory trying to persuade Hans to play in defence (soccer shoes 90 euros decathlon) the reds were always going to be up against it. Weirdly, both teams seemed evenly balanced, with the reds having the languid ex-Real Madrid Gauloises smoking Manuel doing a great impersonation of Laurent Blanc at the back. And “almost a great pass” Steve in midfield ably supported by Sergei providing a solid defensive midfield wall, the reds looked like a tough side to break down.

Rory endeavoured to deploy the destructive power of Hans in defence, but unfortunately, de Nederlands secret weapon with the magic soccer shoes was too distracted by the ball and joined a newly formed team of Spaniels who were equally keen to chase a ball around to no obvious effect.

Meanwhile, the opposition was being orchestrated by the AIK Stockholm devil worshipper evil Johan, who draws blood from the opposition by knocking the ball through their legs! The blacks deployed the super skilful Hamid through the middle, with his infuriating pass and move technique and an ability to control the ball at will.

The blacks also had the legendary wing-back, super Dazza who could transform himself from right half forward in the GAE’s finest to Carlos Alberto in the best team that ever played in the World Cup – WTF.

The reds knew they were up against the best that the Marvel Universe had to offer, but were still able to put out a good team of artisan soccerballers, with “almost a great pass Steve” orchestrating midfield, and backed up by “take no prisoners” hard-tackling Sergei, it was always going to be a tough ask for the blacks.

The first five minutes were a bit dull before the flying Swede Johan picked up the ball in midfield and cruelly struck a blistering drive past a rather pathetic Rory in the red’s goal. Reds 0-1 Blacks.

Pete was playing a blinder upfront for the reds but couldn’t get close to goal with the disciplined and efficient Olaf shutting down his forward surges (Ed: isn’t that a bit of a stereotype?) Anyway, the blacks had hard man Pete at the back, who literally doesn’t take any prisoners (Ed: there’s a small graveyard in the old bullring)

Nigel did his best to bring some organisation to the blacks up front but the Marbella Marvel couldn’t get any coherence out of the blacks’ supply chain. The slightly more skilful reds finally crafted an opportunity for the hard-working Sergei to wriggle free from the black’s defence and drive the ball into the bottom corner to bring about a deserved equaliser. Reds 1-1 Blacks.

With Hungarian maestro Johnny liberated from goalkeeping duties, the blacks were beginning to make more headway up front. The skilful forward soon managed to work some space in front of goal thanks to some good passing from Hamid and Nigel. And sure enough, Johnny’s eyes widened as he stroked the ball into the bottom corner. Reds 1-2 Blacks.

The reds were dealt a blow when tricky frontman, Dave the Owl had to leave the pitch after twisting his knee. Hope you recover soon Dave.

This set the scene for habitual match-winner Keef to join the reds’ team. Pete had a superb spell in the reds’ goal, saving at least 3 one on one confrontations with the blacks forwards.

And sure enough, they were made to regret their profligacy when Manuel was picked out in space surrounded by the massed ranks of the blacks’ defence.

The skilful polyglot swerved a couple of desperate tackles before picking his spot and stroking the ball into the back of the net. Coolness personified. Reds 2-2 Blacks.

With the clock ticking down the pace began to pick up as the two well-matched teams endeavoured to deliver the killer blow.

Keef’s growing influence down the right flank eventually delivered the goods when the ball broke to him at an acute angle. Surely he had to knock it back across the goal? But no, the super-confident QPR reject superbly drilled the ball like an arrow past the stunned keeper and into the net. How can this be? Keef delivers two last-minute victories on the trot. Reds 3-2 Blacks.

A great game well refereed by Steve Loasby. Well done lads.