Benalmadena 7th November

REDS …..3 versus BLACKS….. 3

Yet another excellent turn out on a sunny autumnal morning for the two matches at the Polideportivo last Monday morning and even more so for the social gathering afterwards on the balcony for the majority of the thirty players.

The old farts game ended all square albeit the first session was dominated by the Blacks who had the extra player with goals from old stager Ken and Matt C.

The second session after the water break started with octogenarian, the Nog once again scoring to pull a goal back for the Reds. Self appointed referee Keef then scored for the Blacks making it 3-1 and refusing to look at VAR which undoubtedly would have overruled his goal for running.

Back to his old tricks once again. What a surprise!.

At this stage, the Blacks were well on top, which was no surprise, especially with Keef refereeing and the extra player to boot.

Then fate reduced the Blacks to nine players when Dave Evans pulled up sharply when over stretching and in some pain with a suspected Achilles injury and unfortunately took no further part in the game. The session ended without further score and the teams began the third session nine aside.

The ever vociferous Bambi then miss hit a shot from the edge of the box which Dave 🐝 in goal for the Blacks saved with his foot only to see it go in the back of the net off the post. 3-2 to the Blacks.

Bambi’s celebrations were however short lived when the referee deemed it was an own goal. What a referee! Undoubtedly the correct decision by Keef.

It is worth noting that this was arguably the only occasion Bambi contributed anything of note in the whole match as he is allergic to defending and no chance of him being penalised for running and as a consequence he is being nominated by H as a replacement statue for the vacant plinth in Trafalgar Square (Bambi, someday your plinth will come -Ed).

The Reds then equalised with a goal from Rick making at three apiece which was reward for an earlier superb shot by him from distance which clipped the bar only to drop on the top of the net much to the relief of Mike the🐊 from Dundee in goal.

Despite the best efforts of the Reds to get the winner and with some dubious referring decisions the Blacks held out for a draw in a really thoroughly enjoyable  game.

Dave 🚌 on his last game until the Spring was a given a fine send off in the bar area afterwards and wished a safe journey to Oz where he is visiting his son for Christmas and turkey 🦃 on the beach.

Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow game report by Rory

Just before the start of this epic game, Stephen came out with a quote on a par with Alan Hansen’s “ye dannae win anything wi kids” when commenting on Sir Ferg’s Premiership winning youngsters. On observing the teams, our Olympic Gold winning debater commented: “who picked the teams, the blacks are easily going to win this”. Well folks, it all went down hill from there. Having never seen Paul play, Stephen had clearly misjudged the situation badly.

Little did Stephen realise that Paul had had his left foot replaced by an M777 Howitzer, capable of firing the ball into the bottom corner of the net from any position on the pitch. The reds were confident they would win. Industrious Johnny Giles clone Eoghan provided passing flair and Leeds Utd bite in the tackle in midfield, supported by desperate Arsenal supporter John providing midfield energy. With Plymouth hardman Pete patrolling the back line it was going to be nigh on impossible for the blacks to get shots in on our Supreme Leader Breck in goal.

The blacks had a good team on paper with a strong pass and move triumvirate of big Al, Stephen and Rory. They were well supported by a returning Olaf (blessed are the cheesemakers!). They knew that if they were under pressure, they could rely on Stephen to use his powers of deflection by starting a debate about whether a ball was truly head high, or whether you could run with or without the ball. Kevo was in goal to protect his troublesome knees (up mother Brown).

Let’s cut to the chase. The blacks started out well and laid siege to the reds goal. But somehow, our Supreme Leader managed to pull off some spectacular saves, which was to set the pattern for the rest of the game. It wasn’t long before the reds started to out manoeuvre the blacks and provide opportunities for Paul to launch some 105mm Howitzer shells in the direction of the blacks’ goal. Kevo heroically repelled a number of… incoming!! before finally being beaten as a result of a misdirected pass out of defence by Rory.  Paul made no mistake and fired the ball into the bottom corner. Rory’s comedy of errors continued when he inadvertently deflected the ball into Eoghan’s path in front of goal. The midfield wizard didn’t need a second look and calmly made it Reds 2-0 Blacks.

By the time the break came the blacks were 4-0 down and under the cosh. John was finding space down the flanks to exploit and looking for every opportunity to put Paul through on goal. However, the plucky blacks found a way back into the game following a great corner from Kevo picking out Rory on the edge of the box to drill the ball into the bottom corner. Finally, some redemption for the hard working midfielder. Things looked even more interesting when Rory was put through on goal and following a tussle with Eoghan agonisingly watched the ball beat our Supreme Leader and rebound off the post. Fortunately, he reacted quickly enough to volley the ball back into the net. Reds 4-2 Blacks, game on!

Hopes were soon crushed by further goals from Eoghan and the predatory Paul who scored another hat-trick in his bid to out do Erling Haaland’s record. Big Al had fought valiantly upfront for the blacks but Plymouth’s stalwart centre half Pete had another great game to close down a number of shooting opportunities. However, the blacks never gave up and following a brilliant bit of play from big Al he managed to thread the ball through to twinkle toed Stephen. The Walking Football debating champion threw our Supreme Leader an argument about the regulations on ball pressure, which immediately caused him to lose his concentration and allow Stephen to nimbly steer the ball into the bottom corner. Reds 6-3 Blacks.

Having moved into goal, Stephen pulled off the save of the match by doing everything in his power to get out of the way of Paul’s close-range thunderbolt. As he leapt in the air like a salmon with a 1000 volts being channelled through his torso, the football struck him at maximum velocity and left a life-long hexagonal pattern on his side which surely has a chance of winning the Turner Prize . Something to tell the grand kids about. However, these heroics didn’t stop Paul bagging another goal to seal an emphatic 7-3 victory for the reds.

Another great game with surprisingly few injuries despite some highly dubious tackles. I’m in the slow game.