Benalmadena 7th March

Match reports by Rory and Steve

The “Circus Clown in Gloves” haunts the Polideportivo by Rory

Today the more senior gits were briefly transported back to the 1974 World Cup when Jan Tomaszewski defied Channon, Chivers, Clarke and Peters to secure a vital point which dumped England out of the Trophy that is “never coming home”.  The blacks started out with Billy the Fish not putting on the two right-handed gloves but nonetheless going between the jumpers. Big Frank took up his sweeper position at the back, ably supported by Alan and Breck who had just passed a fitness test after a recent injury. Boris and Sonic were mobile attacking flankers (Ed: cockney rhyming slang?). Meanwhile, Dave busy bee’d himself through the middle of the park, unleashing his dangerous thunderbolt toe-poke.

For the reds, unsurprising Celtic supporter Peter took the two left-handed gloves and somehow got them on. The Commander, well….he commanded and organised the back line and routinely verbally abused right wing wunderkind Bambi. Darren Anderton had regenerated in the form of Rory (sick note), with Jess and his wand for a left foot providing some great touches down the left wing. Steve and Colin provided a potent attacking threat up front.

The early exchanges were quite tentative with more entertainment being provided by watching the slow retreat of the Vatnajokull glacier in Iceland. Eventually, the lads’ ageing joints gradually got moving and opened up some enterprising pass and move Pep soccerball. The reds started to dominate the game with Jess, Colin and Steve putting some good moves together. Even with his boomerang boots on, Steve and Colin were finding space in front of goal, and after a bucket load of missed opportunities Steve finally nailed one into the top corner and gave the reds a deserved lead. Reds 1-0 Blacks.

The reds surged forward with some great one-touch passing between Peter, Colin, Bambi and Steve forcing the Fish to concede a penalty. Who should step forward but the previously profligate Colin to forget his previous 23 and a half, open goals, to coolly slot the penalty past the Fish into the corner of the goal. Reds 2-0 Blacks.

With Billy the Fish stepping out the goal, Breck took over the gloves to deliver another monumental goalkeeping master class. Wave after wave of reds attacks descended upon Breck in the blacks’ goal. Summoning up the ghost of Tomaszewski he pulled off save after remarkable save to keep the blacks in the game. With the full-backs Fish and Alan pushing forward on the flanks, the blacks started to create more opportunities thanks to Sonic’s intelligent running up front. The blacks were back in it when Dave and Boris combined well to carve through the reds’ defence and set the Fish through on goal.

The superstar ichthyoid took one gulp through his gills before passing it calmly into the goal, off Rory’s heel and through the advancing Commander’s legs. Surely not, could they come back against the odds? Reds 2-1 Blacks.

Sure enough after another 67 and a half wonder saves from super-Breck, the scaly wing-back Fish found himself on the end of a great bit of interplay between Dave and Sonic on the edge of the box. The fin back didn’t need a second look before confounding the Commander with a strike into the centre of the goal. Reds 2-2 Blacks, what a comeback. The Blacks had shored up the defence, with Frank providing an assured performance tidying up at the back and Alan getting the confidence to push forward in support of his mobile tricky attackers and snuffing out Bambi’s threat down the right wing.

The reds managed to compose themselves and Jess, with his tasty left foot, started to exert increasing pressure down the left flank. Colin and Steve had just passed the WFS record for shots on target without scoring (752) and Breck seemed to have grown an extra four arms. The law of averages eventually turned out to hold good, and Colin’s shot to goal ratio had to change. The bustling front-man finally had two great strikes which unbelievably found their way past the previously unbeatable Breck. A great hat-trick giving the reds a slightly surprising 4-2 lead. Despite Dave’s relentless attempts to batter the ball at Rory to break through the reds defence, the reds managed to hold on thanks to Bambi pulling off two great saves as the clock ticked down. Final Score Reds 4-2 Blacks.

Match Report (fast farts) – Reds 4 Blacks 2 by Steve

Wow! more than 30 players appear for today’s run around and our old pal, the Sheriff of Hull is gleefully counting the cash in his coffers.

With the young brats back at skool this week, the stadium is all ours for two games today. Keith welcomed our guests, Yoza and his crew and after a group photo the players wombled off to their respective pitches.

Unfortunately for the fast farts, Keith thought Don Deano was two players so the blacks started the match a man short so a rush goalie was required.

With Steve Loasby in charge the game kicked off.

Kevo in goal for the reds had just put his gloves on when he found himself bending down to pick the ball out of the net, the blacks off to flyer 1-0 thanks to cha cha Steve.

The reds, marshalled by Johan, Stephen and big Al got themselves sorted to counter the marauding blacks and ref Steve was busy calling out the over exuberant running and tackling by both sides. Indeed Keith himself was carpeted for a bit of dashing.

The reds managed to equalise on the half hour mark thanks to big Al, who scuffed a shot through Keith’s legs – an uncharacteristic blooper.

Following the second break, Dave intercepted a stray pass from Johnny to put the blacks into the lead once more. However, amends were made when Johnny grabbed an equaliser five minutes later.

The reds now took the lead with ten minutes to go with an excellent finish from Lawrence.

A cheeky free kick from Yoza nearly provided an equaliser for the blacks, but was eventually chalked off by Steve.

With seconds remaining Johan sealed victory for the reds netting a rebound from goalie Keith.

Full time. This was a high energy, competitive match as you could get under WF rules and I’m off to have a lie down in a dark room, hopefully recovered for Thursday.