Benalmadena 3rd November

REDS ……5 versus BLACKS …..3

Yet another fantastic turnout last Thursday for the first match in November at the Polideportivo with blue skies and weather more akin to that of a hot summers day.

Unusually the ‘old farts’ slower game due to numbers was 10 aside with an average age of around 70 years, there being no better example of the popularity of walking football for the over 50’s.

A warm welcome back from his travels was given to Walter Nogler our oldest player and now an octogenarian since he was last at the Polideportivo earlier this year. Quite fittingly the Nog opened the scoring for the Reds with a fine opportunist goal which he took in a manner belying his tender years!

Then woe and behold not to be outdone the other oldest swinger in town and soon to be octogenarian Ken K equalised for the Blacks, what an advert for walking football. Highlight of the first session was Keef deciding to play and referee, upon returning to the game after retrieving his whistle and sprinting back like Usain Bolt to make a tackle he embarrassingly had to blow his whistle and penalise himself. Yet another first.

The second session started all square when Audrey our recent lady recruit put the Reds back in front with a terrific strike from distance to score her first goal at the Polideportivo.

Just before the water break for the end of the second session Dave 🐝 stung the Blacks with his first goal to put the Reds into a comfortable 3-1 lead.

The next session began with  Keef for the Blacks working tirelessly in midfield to get his side back into the match, no easy task with Bambi in your side, when the Crocodile 🐊 from Dundee who was having a quiet game suddenly put in an exquisite through pass for Dave 🚌 to pull a goal back. 3-2 to the Reds at the break.

The last quarter was dominated by the Reds with Dave 🐝 scoring two quick goals to get a well deserved 🎩 trick.

Not to be left out 5 touch old stager Ken ‘K’ pulled one back for the Blacks for his second to give the score a more respectable look.

Glyn and Terry 🦹‍♀️ worked tirelessly for the Reds as did ‘Fish’ 🐠 and Andrew for the Blacks.

Debutant and fellow Leeds fan Tim for the Reds also showed some nice touches with the ball and settled in well, none more so than in the bar area afterwards when he needed no introducing to Keef!

Bambi for the  Blacks was at his normal vociferous best, albeit doing very little else other than on one occasion a tremendous triple somersault losing his hat in the process. He has been sadly missed by this scribe these past two weeks

Fast Slow game report by Rory

Ambulance chasing lawyers put out of business by the slow / fast game?

As regular readers of this rag will know, the medium slow, quick-quick slow game has started to resemble a game of UFC with a leather encased bladder randomly thrown into the middle of a few kicks to the head. Well today, the boys actually listened to Breck’s lecture and weirdly decided to do as they were told. With the Human Rights World Cup fast approaching the boys were determined to show they really could play footie the way that God had intended.

Sure enough, the reds were blessed with Paul’s silky skills and a left peg that was last seen hanging off Maradona. The reds looked strong with Swedish undercover football coach Mats working some angles with his set square and proving it was no fluke that the Swedes were runners up in the World Cup in 1958. Hardmen Pete and Lisbon Lion Steve provided an impenetrable wall at the back, while quiet man Deano proved an ideal foil for Paul up front.

The blacks started off optimistically. Pass and move professor Kevo glided effortlessly through midfield. Hamstring twanged energetic Dazza took up the fly goalie position, bringing an air of positivity and enthusiasm to the blacks which was to be short lived. Big Freddy took up a holding midfield position while Dave’s knees creaked under the strain of playing in the hole and prompting the forward line. Rory took up an advanced position in the hope he could bang on past Mats who started off with the gloves for the reds.

The game started off well for the blacks with some good passing and moving. All the boys were behaving themselves, and strangely for the fast game, there were no serious injuries in the first 5 minutes. Eventually following some nice build up play, Kevo laid the ball nicely to Rory. For some reason the reds defence backed off like Rory had just farted after a cheap vindaloo. He didn’t need a second invitation before banging the ball into the bottom of the net. Blacks 1-0 Reds. Well, that was as good as it got for the blacks. Suffice to say the reds rapidly went into a 6-1 lead with some great play and the failure of the blacks’ defence to keep a close eye on Paul, whose laser-guided shots found the bottom corner on almost every occasion.

Suffice to say, Paul bagged a hatful of goals, with one of his best being late in the game when he sublimely stroked the ball into the bottom corner with the outside of his left foot. He was ably supported with at least a brace of goals from Pete, who was increasingly moving out of defence in the search for glory against the porous blacks’ defence. Those of you who know Pete, will be aware that his shots usually end up being tracked in space by Jodrell Bank, but strangely he had suddenly found an ability to hit the target – although not helped by Dave actively diving out of the way of the ball. In the reds goal, Steve tried to do the same, but somehow every shot the blacks had on target seemed to strike the hapless Scot, who pulled of a series of quick remarkable saves. The blacks didn’t let their heads drop with Dazza pulling out the goal of the game by back heeling the ball through the legs of the previously unbeatable Steve to give his teammates some cheer.

Breck switched Deano and Freddy to try and even things up a bit, but to no avail. The blacks were a busted flush and succumbed to further goals from the marauding Mats and Pete. Although Deano and Rory managed to pull a couple of late goals back for the blacks the reds comfortably won 10-4. Despite the absolute shellacking, everyone agreed it was a great game with no-one needing urgent medical attention. Can the slow-quick quick slow game maintain its discipline? Catch Monday’s edition!