Benalmadena 3rd March

Match report by Rory 

Catenaccio comes to Walking Football

For those of us old enough (and that means all of you!!) to remember Italian football of the 1970s, it involved two teams passing it about between their midfield and defence, hoping that they might just hold on long enough to steal a goal in the last minute of injury time. This form of anaesthetic, otherwise known as catenaccio (the door bolt) was surprisingly deployed by two well matched teams at the polideportivo this Thursday.

The red BIBS! predictably stuck Big Al upfront, knowing that he was worth at least one goal in a tight encounter. Dazza started as glove man with a solid back line in front of him comprising the two Daves, and Kevo sweeping up across the back. The ghost of Puscas was given the freedom of midfield with his dangerous late runs into the attacking third. Colin provided some solid link play down the right with Ken rampaging down the left flank conjuring up the spirit of the great Sir Stanley. The Commander took up his usual position, controlling the flow of play through the middle of the park. Steve sat in the “hole” behind Big Al working some good passing interchanges.

Meanwhile, the black BIBS! countered with Billy the Fish in goal, Alan with his cultured left foot linking up with Welsh Steve. Johan the dynamic Swede orchestrated the defensive line, and Hans played everywhere (Ed: WTF?!). Keef and Rory took up the holding midfield positions while Steve the Owl foraged down the left flank. Bambi provided some dangerous penetration down the right flank, with Nigel providing a great focal point for the blacks’ attacks. Massive big-up for Kevin for taking the ref’s whistle, as we all know we get a better game with a ref (so stop f**ki** arguing the toss!)

Dear readers, you’ll be relieved to know I’m going to fast-forward the first half because, although it was very pretty tikka takka footie, it was also a scientifically proven substitute for mogadon. Sadly, the reds lost Dave the Cab with achilles knack but hopefully he’ll give himself time to rest and be back with us soon. Who else to knock us out from our somnambulant state than Kevo pushing forward using his newly surgically implanted range-finder to fire another howitzer passed the stunned fish into the corner of the goal. The reds were 1-0 up! Dazza came out from between the sticks and once again dazzled us with his energetic wing-back football and long passing range (Ed: was that a 5 iron he was using?). The Irish reincarnation of Carlos Alberto inspired a number of attacks down the right wing for the reds.

Nigel was proving to be a real threat for the blacks up front, with Dave and Bambi providing some wing wizardry down the flanks. Both sides had chances before Nigel found some space in the inside right position threading the ball through to Rory who had glided up from the back….surely he couldn’t miss. Oh Nooooo!! Leaning back (Ed: schoolboy error!) he wafted the ball wide. The blacks picked themselves up and Nigel got the goal his hard work deserved. A nice ball through a packed defence found the striker in space just outside the box. He didn’t need a second invitation and gleefully arrowed the ball into the bottom corner. 1-1 all and everything to play for.

Colin was involved in some nice interlink play with Dave in midfield, keeping the blacks on the back foot. As usual Big Al was proving to be a handful upfront, ably supported by prompting from Steve and some good wing play from Ken. Eventually the pressure told when the gegenpressing reds extracted a rare error from the normally reliable fish in goal. A misunderstanding with Johan resulted in Big Al stepping in and picking his spot to give the reds a 2-1 lead.

Dave the Owl was a constant thorn in the reds’ side and provided a constant threat down the left flank. It was only a matter of time before he found the crack in the hardy reds’ defensive line. The slinky Wednesday front man weaved his way in on goal, and with his usual stylish finish, deposited the ball in the back of the net. 2-2 and game on!! The Commander continued to marshal his troops from midfield and sprayed the ball about intelligently linking play between defence and attack. The blacks seemed to be in the ascendancy with Keef covering every blade of chemically manufactured mass-produced greenery on the pitch. Thanks to his chemical cosh, he had managed to restrain the worst aspect of his Billy Bremner tendencies and strung some great passes together as the blacks advanced.

However, with Puscas energetically driving the reds forward and Steve linking up telepathically with Big Al, the reds continued to repel the advances and move forward through the blacks’ defensive lines. Following a sublime passage of play the reds’ released Ken on the left wing who danced his way through the defence to bear down on the Fish. The crowd of disinterested 12 year olds held their breath while Ken calmly coaxed the ball past the advancing Fish. But horror of horrors the ball drifted past the upright. Was this the turning point in a hugely tight game? Not a bit of it. The reds kept pressing with Big Al winning a corner from which he managed to set up Johnny the mercurial Puscas reincarnation, to seemingly finish off the game with a great strike into the corner of the net. Reds 3-2 blacks, surely game over.

Not a bit of it, with Johan turbo-charging his turbo-charge, the blacks surged forward in search of an equaliser. The tireless Bambi continued to test out the reds defence on the right and with Keef replacing his Duracell batteries and penning the reds back in their defensive third, the blacks looked good for an equaliser. The blacks were staying strong with Hans and Steve making some timely interceptions to break up the dangerous reds’ front line.

Sure enough, they worked their way down the right with Keef combining well with Johan and Bambi to release the predatory Nigel on the edge of the box. The big front man did the necessaries and buried the ball in the back of the net past the commander. Reds 3-3 Blacks. With time waiting for no man, the ball found its way to super striker Dave for the blacks. Surely a last minute winner. As Sheff Weds’ record goal-scorer closed in on goal the commander advanced at pace to narrow the angles. Even with his set square and logarithm book, Dave couldn’t find the angles to get past the burly rugby league legend, and his effort narrowly passed the upright. To be honest punters, a draw was a fair result.

A hotly contested game played fairly and with respect. And a big thank you to KDN who did a great job of refereeing the game and keeping everyone honest. Well played lads!

Final Score: Red BIBS! 3-3 Black BIBS!

Historic Reference: Tabard – a coarse sleeveless garment worn as the outer dress of medieval peasants and clerics, or worn as a surcoat over armour. Or a herald’s official coat emblazoned with the arms of the sovereign.