Benalmadena 24th October

REDS ……2 versus BLACKS ……2

The morning began with a late message from Boris stating that he couldn’t make the game as he was tied up with business in London having difficulty in being able to count up to one hundred votes! He then contacted Breck  telling him hasta la vista baby hope to see you Thursday!

Back to the slow old farts eight a side game which began in dramatic fashion with Dave 🐝 for the Reds arguably scoring the quickest goal ever at the Polideportivo. Hitting a speculative long shot straight from the kick off which was too hot for Pete 🐟 in goal to hold only then to agonisingly watch the ball drop into the back of the net.

For some reason, Breck playing for the Blacks and also refereeing then tried to disallow the goal in an endeavour to replicate the other dodgy referee playing in the so called elite game on the adjacent pitch.

No such luck, 1-0  to the Reds at the end of first session.

Surprisingly there was no score in the second session even with the returning Crocodile 🐊 Dundee in goal for the Blacks.

Having seeing enough of the croc’s 🐊 shaky goalkeeping Rick took over in goal for the Blacks and some how with his bleached long hair covering his eyes managed to make several tremendous full length saves to keep his team in the game.

End of third session still 1-0 to the Reds.

Breck by now with the whistle constantly to his mouth began making some underhand decisions against the Reds.

Then amazingly the clone of Keef equalised for the Blacks which in fairness was a slick goal sliding it by H in goal, with the ball  glancing into the net off the post.

Then woe and behold a minute later Hans scored to put the Blacks in front, no point in complaining to the referee for him running as he even made 5 touch Ken look pedestrian!

2-1 to the Blacks at the end of the 4th session. By now after starting 10 minutes early and playing for over an hour everyone was feeling the effects of a blisteringly hot late autumn day sun.

This none more so than new girl Audrey who was blowing for a tug when taking on some much needed water. However to her credit she more than proved her worth in midfield for the Reds showing some nice deft touches in both defence and attack.

Audrey is only the second lady to play on a Monday or Thursday at the Poli following in the footsteps of Lidia aka Mrs 🦉.

The fifth and last session began with Brian taking over in goal for the Reds from ‘H’ who tentatively played in defence testing his dodgy knee.

Almost immediately Nigel another making a welcome return blasted a scorcher by Breck in goal for the Blacks, no disputing that one has H photographed Breck picking the ball out of the net.

2 goals apiece with Breck making some fine saves as the Reds peppered his goal in an attempt to get the winner.

After 15 minutes added time Breck gave up in his attempt for the Blacks to get the winner and 16 weary players trudged off for some welcome refreshments on the balcony bar.

Man of the match undoubtedly Nigel who won the ball repeatedly along with some terrific ball distribution for the Reds.

Pick of the bunch from the Blacks was Rick and for once Ken the ‘old swinger’ had a quiet game not having one shot on goal.

Fast farts Report by Rory – or..Walking Football Spain given hefty fine under the trade descriptions Act!

Welcome back sports fans. As you all know the fast game is misleading on at least two counts.

Firstly, walking is a rarity, and secondly, Keef’s “spirit of the game” mantra has well and truly been consigned to the dustbin of history.

Nevertheless, despite some last-minute no-shows (you know who you are!) Breck still brilliantly managed to cobble together a couple of teams that had just been knocked out of the Rugby League World Cup and were exceptional at touching the ball after “taking out the man”.

The reds were reminiscent of Leeds United under the great Don Revie circa 1970. Bags of skill, but you were never going to get off the pitch with both legs intact. With Luton’s over 93s 23rd choice keeper Steve L in goal it was going to be tough to score, even if they could get through the robust defence comprising Laurie, Eoghan and Yozza. Up front on the right, desperate QPR supporter Keef ran the channels providing an energetic outlet for the reds.

The more delicate blacks team had early concerns about Kevo’s hoverboard which was suffering with some carbon build up in the cylinder heads.

However, supercoach TV Kev produced his magnetic tactics board to give the cowering Arsenal types some confidence. Lisbon Lion Steve hung back allowing flying Swede Johan to link defence and attack. With Rory playing the holding midfielder, this allowed TV Kev to seek more goalscoring glory.

This wasn’t a match for the purist, with both teams cancelling each other out in the early exchanges. Yozza started to dominate midfield with his silky left peg and Eoghan in his flashy duck egg blue adidas football shoes realised he could move forward when he stopped kicking the opposition players. Following Kevo’s early knee tweak, the big man went in goal. Allowing TV Kev to orchestrate the blacks with a quick rendition of Tchaikovsky’s Fifth piano concerto in D Minor.

Following a string of outstanding saves, Kevo was released from his gloveman duties and his silky skills were unleashed on the unsuspecting opposition. A neat interchange of passes between Johan and TV Kev released the big man in front of goal and sure enough he picked his spot in the bottom corner. Steve L had no chance. Reds 0-1 Blacks.

I know it’s a cliché but sure enough the blacks went to sleep after the kick off, allowing Yozza to build another assault on the Blacks’ goal. Sure enough the big man released Eoghan, and the skilful Johnny Giles clone stroked the ball into the net past the snoozing TV Kev. Reds 1-1 Blacks. Eoghan’s attacking skills were starting to stretch the blacks, although he also showed he was adept in the defensive third with his ability to sketch a shamrock on your Achilles tendon with his duck egg blue football shoes.

Although stunned by the rapid riposte the blacks set about their business, methodically passing the ball out of defence and forming some pretty patterns which would later be thought by NASA to provide conclusive evidence that there was extra-terrestrial life. With Laurie and Eoghan lying deep, the reds were proving difficult to breakdown, particularly with surgically reconstructed Steve L hurling himself to the ground when needed to stop another attempt on goal.

It wasn’t long before Rory and TV Kev’s version of tikka takka football (a lot of tik without the tak) finally opened up some space for TV Kev to finish off a fine move and send the Blacks into a deserved lead. Reds 1-2 Blacks. As legs began to tire, hardman Laurie started to send some great balls through to his mobile forward line which eventually secured a corner for the reds. As the ball was drilled into the edge of the box, Keef conjured up the ghost of Stan Bowles and somehow managed to strike the ball first time into the top corner of the net. Much as your correspondent chokes on the words, this was surely the goal of the game. Reds 2-2 Blacks

With Steve keeping things tight at the back and showing the blacks could give as good as they got, supercoach TV Kev pushed frustrated AIK frontman Johan up into the attack with Norn Oirland’s wonderkind Rory / Sammy McIlroy dropping deeper in midfield.

As the clock ticked down (if in doubt, state the obvious) the normally reliable Yozza was dispossessed by the goal sniffing Swede, who proceeded to bound towards the opposition’s goal and calmly fire the ball past Steve L’s left hand.

A great finish. Reds 2-3 Blacks. The Blacks proceeded to commandeer a passing 103 bus and promptly deposited it in front of their goal, making it nigh on impossible for the reds to grab the equaliser that their stylish play warranted. Final Score: Reds 2-3 Blacks.

Well played to everyone. A fantastic, skilful, high-energy game with some great goals. Big thanks to John for reffing. Although he came in for some undeserved criticism, there was no denying he got the “big calls right” and went about his business with a “laser focus” on enabling the game to flow.