Benalmadena 13th Feb

Match Report by Rory

Welcome to the abridged match report thanks to Brian’s tight deadline.

Anyway, Breck had surprisingly pulled together two evenly matched teams….and it ended 2-2…….What a feast of fast moving tikka takka footie was presented by two teams proving there is indeed life after death. With little Al (Torrequebraaaada) celebrating his 270^th birthday (he doesn’t look a day over 269) the blacks were determined to deliver a birthday win for the sad (we all ‘ate Leeds) levis wearing 80s DJ. The blacks looked to be packed full of pass and move flair.

Big Nige took up the centre forward role with silky touch Terry dominating the midfield for the blacks. Aged Al conjured the ghost of Paul Reaney at right back and forged a potent attacking force down the right flank. Meanwhile Gary (is he really a pilot?), crashed his way through the attacking third, forcing half of the team to switch their next flight home to Wizz Air. Meanwhile, Stephen deployed his superpower and engaged all 12 players plus the ref in a half-hour debate about whether  his header should be penalised and whether he was heading a chicken or an egg. Fortunately, the intervention of the great philosopher Emmanuel Kant prevented the game from entering an existential crisis. Life is indeed too short.

The blacks started off well, even with to me to you Kevo, starting out between the sticks. The blacks dominated the first 15 mins with their expansive passing play, leaving the reds to chasing well-constructed arguments by Stephen. Kamikaze pilot Gary provided a robust presence up front, well supported by classic centre forward play by Nigel, and a great supply from Cowans avatar Terry. Fortunately for the reds, they had Dr Gadget Dave in midfield, whose rapidly extending legs were capable of snuffing out any embryonic move from the blacks. Eoghan tried his best to have the brightest boots on show, but he was easily beaten by Rick’s retina burning footwear. Unfortunately, every time he tried to take a shot, he melted the ball and missed a well-deserved hat-trick.

Against the run of play the reds took an early lead, with mercurial Hungarian playmaker Johnny combining well with Eoghan before toe-poking the ball past the flummoxed Kevo in the blacks’ goal. Reds 1-0 Blacks. Energetic Colin continued to present a threat up front but his shooting made you feel he had more chance of landing on the M23 than Gatwick airport. The much-respected Keef (he used to be someone) was as mobile as ever but snatched the record for saying “sorry” from footballing legend Dazza.

The sad QPR supporter and accent impersonator did plenty of running but found himself unable to hit the side of a barn door and rarely picked out a teammate with a decent pass. Meanwhile, the increasingly confident blacks worked the ball forward to Gary, who drilled the ball past Steve in goal (was his hair getting in his eyes?). Reds 1-1 Blacks. It was end-to-end stuff in a great fluid game of attacking football. Mr Gadget Dave began to dominate midfield with his legs making a record number of interceptions.

The big man also showed off his sublime footballing skills as he would frequently release Eoghan and Keef in goalscoring positions. With the birthday boy Alan easing his 470-year-old bones into goal the blacks started to dominate play thanks to some great “to me, to you” play by Kevo. With Rory playing sweeper keeper for the reds they were able to push up and put pressure on the blacks with their high press. This proved too much for the 970-year-old Al in the blacks’ goal as he sent a misplaced pass to Dave who picked his spot before drilling the ball past the now mummified corpse in the blacks goal.

Reds 2-1 Blacks. As the game drifted into the final minutes the blacks won a lucky corner from which Stephen, blatantly knocked over Steve (Rick) and bundled the ball past Rory, who at full stretch only just failed to stop the ball from crossing the line (although his very supportive teammates saw it as a goalkeeping error as for some reason Rory had gone walkabout and duly received some unsympathetic pelters).

Reds 2-2 Blacks