9th October

Fast Match report by Rory

The boys from Baff open their legs and kick some balls.

Two big games took place on the hallowed Poli turf thanks to the arrival of a large group of nice blokes from Baff (Keynsham WF) who were pretty nifty at kicking about a bag of hot air (no, not the Commander you disrespectful rabble!). Fireman John had been clamping down on running with the ball, and as a result, both matches were a tad more sedate than usual. However, this couldn’t stop (running not walking) Colin from (you’ve guessed it buddy) running relentlessly about the pitch and hoping that no-one would notice him sprinting onto the ball.

Stephen started out in goal for the visitors in red following a cripplingly bad dose of man flu, and this was a clear invitation for the blacks to take a shot from anywhere on the pitch, as there was a good chance they would score. The blacks had a solid team of walking football veterans. Nigel started out as target man with Keef in the hole and Dave the bee out wide. Rick, returning from calf knack settled in at right back with multiple injury Rory sitting as the holding midfielder in front of rock-solid Trevor and well-timed tackler Pete. Dave the Cab played on the left flank for as long as his dodgy knees would support him.

The blacks started off well, dominating possession although not really threatening Stephen in the reds’ goal. Nigel’s radar had clearly spent too much time in the sun as he succeeded in making a number of great passes to the opposition, coincidently turning attack into defence for the blacks. As the reds began to work their way into the game, Colin started to receive some good service which his tireless running (yes running) and timely deployment of his cloak of invisibility, deserved. The fine passing and moving from the blacks eventually paid off when Rory found the skilful, though workshy Johnny who threaded a great ball through four our Keef to slot the ball past the inept Stephen in goal. Blacks 1-0 Reds.

Kaj was demonstrating some great hold up play with the occasional Exocet fired roughly in the direction of the opposition goal. It wasn’t going to be his day, although his Mr Gadget legs made numerous timely interventions to frustrate the reds. Little Al for the reds slotted in nicely with the visitors and made sure the boys from Baff had a good outlet down the left flank. Meanwhile, the blacks went further ahead with another important strike from our Keef, showing that not all west Londoners are a pile of sh**e on the football pitch. Blacks 2-0 Reds.

Hard running Colin finally got his reward with a clinical finish past Dave the cab to bring the reds back into the game. Blacks 2-1 Reds. As the blacks started to lose their shape and some of the boys tired in the untypical heat of the day the reds seized the moment a got two quick goals to snatch a deserved lead. Blacks 2-3 Reds. The blacks continued to toil until the arrival of a brilliant brace from Dave the bee. To the utter amazement of everyone of the pitch, Dave cut in from the right wing and curled a beauty into the top corner beyond Stephen’s flailing arms. The third-rate keeper had no chance. This quickly had everyone checking what was in their water as surely this was some sort of weird hallucination. Blacks 3-3 Reds. The blacks could sense blood but had no idea super Dave would fire an even better thunderbolt into the top corner from a wide wing position. This immediately encouraged Dave’s teammates to book some urgent eye tests at vision express in Fuengirola. What a goal and what a sensational brace.

The reds were down but not out, and with Colin’s encouraging cries of “great effort buddy”, “hard luck”, “ well played buddy”, the reds managed to maintain their morale and go hell for leather for a deserved equaliser. However, it wasn’t to be as Nigel had finally managed to cool his radar down and sent a great ball through to our Keef to dummy the keeper with a mis-hit toe poke into the bottom of the net. Man of the match had to go to Dave the bee for two fantastic strikes into the top corner, although hat-trick hero Keef deserved an Oscar as well as the match ball for his blood curdling scream of “LEAVE IT!” for Kaj to step aside so that Keef could tuck it in the bottom corner for his second. Blacks 5-3 Reds

A great game played in a good spirit thanks to the nice blokes from Baff. Looking forward to seeing them again next year.

Slow Game Report by Geoff

KEYNSHAM WHITES….3 versus BLACKS….2

A warm welcome to our visitors from Keynsham near Bristol.

Playing in White the magnificent 7 from Keynsham were supplemented by local Sonic and Jim the brother in law of crocodile Dundee making a guest appearance but nevertheless still a man short of their opponents.

The first two sessions were goalless with the best effort a shot from Simon hitting the Whites post with the goalie well beaten.

Then just like waiting ages for a bus when a few come along together we had two goals in a minute, the first an excellent low drive from Kevo for the Blacks to put them one up followed by another by Bob for the Whites. 1-1.

For whatever reason, Breck refereeing the match took it upon himself not to blow his whistle, despite the warm weather for a third and last water break, this despite constant reminders from the sidelines.

I’m told by Kevo he then scored an absolute belter not witnessed by your match reporter putting the Blacks back in front 2-1.

The Owl then came off for the Blacks, not feeling well making them unbalanced in midfield and missing his probing excursions into the Whites half, albeit both teams now equal in number at 9 aside.

The Blacks then made what turned out to be a calamitous decision by putting Ian scissor hands in goal. With less than 10 minutes to go for some reason Ian decided to try and save a softly struck shot from Martin at knee height with his feet only to deflect the ball into his goal.

2-2.

Then almost on the final whistle just to prove this was no fluke he almost immediately did the same thing again to yet another saveable shot from Bob for our visitors for them to take the lead much to the disgust of his teammates to win 3-2.

For our visitors guest goalkeeper Jim made some excellent saves in goal in the last 15 minutes, how the Blacks unaware of his prowess as a keeper were rueful of this decision at the final whistle.

On the balcony bar afterwards all was forgotten even for Ian who made a good job of ensuring he would never be selected in goal again.