Time until the Next game at Benalmadena Polideportivo

Match 1 report by Steve

Another blazing hot day at the Benalmadena Polideportivo for the “far pitch” Monday game with the notable absence of Rory. The word on the street is that he had an important Spanish language test later on in the day. Slurring Spanish words while drunk together with a combined Yorkshire/Irish/Gravesend accent is not recommended, apparently. This means a MUCH shorter report than you would normally get from him! 😉

So, to the the teams: In red we had Keef, Kaj, Dodri/Kevo, Dave the Owl, Rick/Steve and, of course their key man, Glyn. Give yourself 10 points if you noticed. In black we had Alex, Dave the Cab, New Paul, Jonny, Dave the Bee and Stephen (yours truly). The same mutterings were heard from both teams before the kick-off, something to the effect of “We got this”, “No problemo”, “What was Keef thinking?” etc. But with a final score of 2-1 to the Reds it could’ve gone either way.

The notable highlight was Dave the Bee’s own goal. Oh my days, it was a classic. Stephen, 10 cm outside on the edge of his own penalty area, nudged the ball back to Dave the Bee in goal, standing 10cm inside his penalty area, with the slightest touch ever recorded at the Poli. The ball just about crossed the penalty area line, moving almost imperceptibly, at 0.01 km/hr, carried along by the breeze from a passing butterfly. However, for some unknown reason, Dave decided it was a suitable time to practice his Ballet with a pirouette over the ball, followed by a double cabriole derrière. Now, we all know Dave doesn’t have the body of a Nureyev or a Baryshnikov which meant he didn’t quite get enough elevation on his landing and accidentally caught the ball with his back foot heel which sent the ball back towards his own goal line. This resulted in the sloweeeeeeeesssssssstttttt ownnnnn gooooooaaaaaaal iiiiiin reeeeecccceeeeeent hiiiiiiiistoooooooooryyyyyyy. The ball had now sped up to 0.02 km/hr while Dave was trying to untangle his legs. Time stood still as we all watched him defy physics and actually nutmeg himself without touching the ball as it rolled across the goal line. At the same time, it was both impressively awesome (“How the f#$% did he do that?!”) and agonisingly shocking (“Why the f#$% did he do that?!”).

All this time we thought is was B for “Bee” . Perhaps it’s B for Billy (Elliot) 🤣

Anyway, some other stuff happened, good reffing from John and two more boring goals were scored by the Black team.

Off to the bar!