Monday 12th May

Game 1, An interesting mix of players yesterday, the slower game was 8 aside whilst the faster game managed to muster enough for 5 aside.

We welcomed back Jan “Chopper Harris” and Paul from Bristol with new boy Mick going straight into the fast game.

In the meantime, Video evidence availabe here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRh7qoQ-OUs

Steve who was stepping down to game 1 was struggling to adapt to the pace so went in goal for half the game.

Nigel ghosted into position and received the ball to open the scoring for blacks. Was he running? Referee decided he may have been jogging into a space and then received the ball to score, so it stood.

Bambi had one ruled out for running, though not according to him.

Paulo gave away his customary penalty per game, he’s drawn to the goal area like a homing pigeon. Toni however was thwarted twice by Noah in goal from the spot and follow up.

Bambi was eventually rewarded with a second goal for the blacks and that was the end of the scoring with condolences to Ken who’d have had 4 on any other day and the quality of shooting at goal kept Frank busy walking 2km to retrieve the balls

Special mention to our sole lady player Jan who isn’t quite sure what tackling from behind is, but gave numerous demonstrations of what not to do

An unfortunate coming together between Paulo and Nigel, resulted in Nigel limping off and ruling himself out for a couple of weeks. Hoping it’s nothing serious.

Game two was a hard-fought festival of goalscoring entertainment with the reds outscoring the blacks by 12 goals to 7, so you’ll be pleased to know I won’t be running through every single goal but instead providing some “Match of the Day” edited highlights. The reds welcomed back Paul from Bristol with a left foot shot so hard, the last keeper who tried to stop one of his shots  is still in a low orbit over Torremolinos.

With both teams only able to field five players it was always going to be an open game. The reds fielded a couple of (hopefully) recovering crocks, Kevo and Rory, but had the benefit of hard running bionic Ballymena hard man Lawrence. Dave the cab was in happy mode, with his two shiny new overhead gaskets, following the sad demise of his previous set when both were blown out in the previous game. The reds were completed by skilful frontman Paul with his cannonball shot – “keep him on his right foot!”

Meanwhile the blacks had running not walking “spirit of the game” (do as I say not as I do) Keef playing all over the pitch. Tommy was playing at the back, before he decided to play at the front. Paul B brought some class to proceedings with his cultured left foot and new boy Mike, well ‘nuff said. Meanwhile deadly Dave the Fox knew he could conjure up the dreaded Vardyman if things were going badly.

The reds were a joy to watch playing beautiful one-touch football out from the back with some nice “to me, to you, to me, to you”, touches from Kevo and Rory. While the blacks had plenty of energy they struggled to contain the pretty patterns being created by the reds. Unfortunately, Dave the Cab was on the end of many of the chances created which usually resulted in the ball flying high and wide accompanied by the usual array of expletives.

Paul was a great target man down the middle, opening up space for the reds to run through. The prime beneficiary of this approach was Lawrence who was a tad more accurate in his shooting boots than Dave the cab. The man from Norn Iron scored at least 5 goals out of the 12 racked up by the blacks. A tremendous performance only outdone by Dave the Fox who resorted to the chant “Vardyman, Vardyman, Vardyman” thereby conjuring an horrific goalscoring demon who just had to look at the ball to send it into the back of the net.

Vardyman’s evil knew no limits as he cruelly nutmegged Rory to score the first of his many goals simultaneously humiliating the brave keeper. To make matters worse, the Vardyman got himself on the end of a brilliant driven pass from Paul B. The evil goalscoring genius brilliantly flicked the ball past Rory in goal when he thought he had it covered. The final straw that broke the camel’s back was when Vardyman set our Keef in on goal. Faced with the advancing Rory, our Keef brilliantly gave Rory the eyes.  As Rory was trying to work out what to do with the bloody orbs our Keef calmly slotted the ball into the bottom corner. Our Keef demonstrated the values of the spirit of the game by gloating over his goalscoring prowess at the expense of the crest fallen keeper. New boy Mike was having a solid game on the wing although his mobility was limited because of his need to carry an abacus so that he would work out how many touches he had had.

Anyway, with all this action you’d have thought the blacks were winning.  It couldn’t be further from the truth. Despite the brave blacks’ comeback the reds were still banging them in. While Dave the Fox was in goal, he famously commented that Paul only had a left foot. Paul satisfyingly proved him wrong by banging one in with his right peg. What a goal past Dave who gave a great impression of one of the Elgin Marbles as the ball whizzed past him. With the evil goalscoring Vardyman gone Dave brilliantly stubbed his toe on a blade of grass proving he’s nothing without his alter ego. To cap a brilliant game for the reds, Dave the Cab finally scored the goal his efforts deserved, thereby avoiding the need to go back to the garage for a refit.

Final Score Red 12-7 Blacks. A great quality game well refereed by John.