Time until the Next game at Benalmadena Polideportivo

Match 1 report by Rory

Breck had managed to throw together a couple of good footballing teams, with each one liberally sprinkled with habitual runners. With no referee the boys relied on self-policing, which merely resulted in a series of long-running debates throughout the game. Without the well-honed debating skills of Stephen McH these minor differences of opinion sometimes descended into contradiction, rather than a structured, well-reasoned, evidence-based  presentation of the facts. The ancient Greeks had nothing to worry about.

The reds started well, with Nigel playing an orthodox frontman and making some nice runs into the channels. Daz as ever, provided some hard “running” attacks down the right flank unleashing the occasional shot, vaguely in the direction of the opposition’s goal, but more commonly towards the more remote parts of the Poli.

The blacks weren’t to be outdone and could certainly hold their own on the runometer. Alex was solid in defence and good at getting forward in support of our Keef and dynamic runaround Colin up front. Lay it off Terry elegantly sprayed the ball about the pitch with the minimum of effort, finding angles that a Professor of Geometry at Oxford University could only dream of.

The reds had Dave on the left flank, who has the uncanny knack of always looking like he’s falling over. This conveniently helps him avoid the accusation of running. With Breck and Dave the cab lying deep, the blacks did well to prevent him from getting off one of his cannonball shots.

With the reds in the ascendancy, they managed to construct a good goal thanks to Nigel’s tireless running off the ball. Although the cross took a deflection, it bounced kindly for total football Han, who skilfully volleyed it past Steve in the blacks’ goal. Reds1-0 Blacks.

Somehow the reds managed to keep the momentum going, even with the constant chirping in the background about whether: a) it was a tackle from behind; b) he was running; and c) is a deliberate kick over head height penalised or not? Chirp chirp, moan moan, groan groan…..is this what the end of the world looks like? While all this was going on the reds worked a good move enabling yours truly to find a pocket of space and stroke the ball past the statuesque Dave in goal. Reds 2-0 Blacks.

Footballing enthusiast Colin wasn’t going to give up that easily and made some great runs (yes he was running) up front, creating some space for Keith and Alex and Steve to take a punt at goal. With a combination of good goalkeeping and the blacks’ profligacy in front of goal, the reds kept their noses in front. Enter VAR, with a controversial penalty award when a hair on Dave’s big toe strayed over the line into the penalty area. Breck enthusiastically stepped up (there was no other way he was going to score) and impressively blasted the ball into the top corner. Darren sensibly made no effort to stop the pile driver. Reds 2-1 Blacks.

This dodgy goal gave the blacks fresh impetus, and for a good 20 minutes they dominated play in search of an equaliser. Keith was playing a solid defensive role at the back for the reds, but the blacks were starting to get into full footballing flow. Terry was finding the angles with some precise passing and our Keef and Dave the cab were dominating midfield, releasing Alex and Colin to torment the reds’ defence. Sure enough, the pressure took it’s toll and Colin got the goal his selfless running deserved (let’s not mention the long ball over head height which brilliantly picked him out). Despite a heroic dive by Nigel in goal he couldn’t do enough the prevent the ball entering the far corner and levelling the scores. There would certainly be much to discuss on match of the day later that evening.

John was starting to have an increasing impact on the game as time wore on, and the reds swiftly stopped the rot thanks to another surging run by Daz down the flank. Daz had reached his customary 20 shots without hitting the target limit, when to everyone’s relief he finally hit the target, sending the reds back into the lead. Reds 3-2 Blacks.

By this stage, the blacks were clearly beginning to get a bit leggy, giving the reds that little bit of extra space. Following a neat piece of work by Han, John calmly knocked the ball into the goal past the despairing Keef in goal to put the result beyond doubt. Reds 4-2 Blacks.

The final nail in the coffin arrived when Nigel got a well-deserved goal to make it a rather harsh 5-2 to the reds. It was a good game and the final score didn’t reflect just how tight it was. At the final whistle, some of the boys trotted off to claim their money back from their anger management coach.

Match 2 Report by Breck

REDS 0 – BLACKS 2

Having put together two evenly matched teams the onus was on ‘Fireman’ John to ensure they stuck to the rules of WFS.

As the game got underway our intrepid traveller Walter (Blacks) now aged 81 was tasked with man marking our only other 80+ member the illustrious goal hanging Ken(Red). Sonic back in Black  from his winter break still fails to realise that you need to swing your leg before the ball goes past you. The 1st quarter was spent sizing each other up and to be perfectly honest was rather boring.

2nd quarter begins and Klaus(Blacks) manages to find Bambi(Blacks) who receives the ball and walks towards goal with Dave Owl (Red) in pursuit, the whistle is blown and John awards a Black free kick but in typical style Bambi shouts “what for, I wasn’t f**** running” failing to realise it was his free kick.

Martyn, Dave B and Boris for Reds were putting together some good passing movements but alas they came to nothing. Smiffy who had decided she would play an attacking midfield role seemed confused as she had never received so many passes in one game eventually she found Bambi, his attempt could only be described as a back pass, Nev in reds goal raised his leg to control the ball but forgot to put it back down again and the ball rolled into the net.

BLACKS 1 UP

2nd HALF(3rd quarter)

Having been presented with a new pea for his whistle John didn’t have much use for it (maybe the message is getting through). Mike went up front for the Reds and within a matter of a few minutes had squandered two chances to level the score. Walter defending well as always had kept Ken quiet but a slip let our fleet footed striker in on goal – it was not to be. From the restart Dave Foxy playing in goal found Smiffy who in turn picked out Welsh Steve, without the need to control it he put his laces through the ball leaving Boris no chance 2 Up BLACKS

4th quarter reds tried as they might but could not penetrate the solid back two of Walter and Klaus. Bambi who had squandered chances and misplaced many a pass resorted to his now infamous words of wisdom to anyone else who dared to make a mistake.

HERE ARE OUR WORDS OF WISDOM FOR BAMBI – BRING A MIRROR WITH YOU NEXT TIME