Benalmadena 15th May

Slow farts Match Report by Geoff

REDS ….1 versus BLACKS ….1

A warm welcome back given to Harry and his wife Jackie who both guested for the Reds whilst on holiday for a few weeks on the Costa.

In what turned out in the end to be a low scoring game old stager and goal poacher Ken put the Reds one goal up after 2 minutes having been left completely unmarked from the kick off much to the verbal disgust of Bambi aimed towards his teammates.

Shortly afterwards an even better chance was squandered by the veteran goal scorer who from short range surprisingly blasted the ball straight at Mike the crocodile from Dundee who did well to tip the ball over the crossbar. Bambi’s response this time towards his teammates aimed at their birthright is  completely unprintable for yet again leaving Ken unmarked.

In the hot sunshine both teams were undoubtedly grateful to hear the whistle for the first water break.

On the 25 minute mark Harry the Reds goalkeeper inadvertently threw a long pass which  landed at the feet  of the Milky Bar Kid who took full advantage to slot the ball past the despairing keeper into the back of his net. Shortly afterwards Harry made up for his error making a tremendous full length save from a terrific shot from Bambi tipping it around the post for a corner.

1-1 at the halfway stage.

Despite both teams squandering a hatful of chances there was no further score in the match in particular from the Blacks who were repeatedly thwarted by Harry the Goliath of a keeper in the Reds goal.

The latter was however was outdone for player of the match  by his wife Jackie who was absolutely superb in defence for the beleaguered Reds in addition to showing terrific ball distribution.

For the Blacks they were best served by Welsh Steve, Milky Bar Keeper and Boris.

In such humid and hot conditions all of the ‘geriatrics‘ were relieved to hear the final whistle.

In conclusion there was much confusion in the recently introduced local rule allowing players of a certain age or for medical reasons to have unlimited touches of the ball.

This was changed afterwards to NOT be allowed when playing in 6/7 a side matches involving those players of advanced age or disability by way of medical reasons. Obviously common sense needs to be applied when there is only one 11 aside game as can sometimes be the case.

Fast farts Match Report by Rory

I don’t like Mondays…. The slightly faster farts game was shrouded in controversy and enough debates to keep the much-vaunted Oxford debating society going for at least a year. The day started off brightly enough with back-heel Colin returning from the valleys after a long period out with injury. The loquacious Welshman started upfront for the reds. Lev Yashin Kevo started between the sticks with Alan, Dave the cab and yours truly playing deep. Total football and Ajax supporting Han, was full of his usual vim and vigour and superbly linked defence and attack for the reds.

The blacks looked particularly strong with wee Eddie at his skilful best, deploying his magical left peg down the blacks’ left flank. Keef had recharged his Duracell batteries (other makes are available) but started out playing a more deep lying role, with Pete (bites your legs) and Rick completing a solid defence. Laurie slotted into midfield ensuring the blacks had some much-needed energy and dynamism in midfield. As usual, the game started out tentatively with both teams testing each other out with some pretty passing patterns in midfield. Meanwhile Kevo in the reds’ goal had time for a quick manicure and beard trim as he waited for the blacks to have a shot on goal.

First blood was drawn in the second quarter when it gradually dawned on both teams that the purpose of the game was to boot the ball in the goal. The reds scored first after some haphazard defending by blacks presented Alan with a clearcut chance in front of goal. The skilful attacking full-back wasted no time in smacking the ball past Rick in goal to give the reds the early lead their build-up play deserved. The reds extended their lead through some genuinely neat approach play, where amazingly, one of Colin’s many flicks paid off allowing Han to bear down on goal. The dutchman was the epitome of calm as he slotted the ball into the bottom corner to give the reds a two goal lead in what was a very tight game.

Unfortunately, the reds demonstrated that they too were capable of new levels of ineptitude when it comes to defending. A misplaced pass from Alan left the reds exposed at the back allowing Eddie to burst through on goal and pick his spot. Reds 2-1 Blacks. The two evenly matched teams gave a great display of passing and moving football with the game poised on a knife edge. With hoverboard Kevo out of goal the reds played the ball out nicely from the back, but Keef had another blinder in the blacks’ goal and even pulled off a spectacular penalty save after Pete had wandered into the box. Keef cemented a great performance by coming out of goal and scoring a great equaliser when through on the reds’ keeper. Reds 2-2 Blacks. Laurie had another blinder in goal as the reds searched for a winner. The Irishman pulled off a string of full-length saves to deny the reds’ attack

Just as it looked like the game was going to fizzle out into a 2-2 draw the game exploded into controversy when Eddie was (illegally) chased down by Dave as he was about to pull the trigger. There then followed a massive argument (yes, the full half hour!) as the lads debated what should happen when clear goalscoring opportunity is denied by defenders running into the tackle. I’m not sure anything was resolved, but no doubt the debate will continue to rage until the next meeting of the Rules Subcommittee in June.

Just to rub salt in the wounds, the reds finally found Colin in space up front. As time stood still, he managed to adjust his sights and fire the ball into the bottom corner to give the reds a controversial 3-2 victory. The debating continued as the boys trudged off to the bar. Overall, it was a great game played (mostly) in a good spirit. Thanks again to John for doing a great job of refereeing the game.