22nd January

Match report by Rory

May the Fours be with you!

The cerebrally challenged ball bashers played out a hard fought 4-4 draw at the Poli on Monday morning. The players were pleased to welcome back part-time Canadian Alan, who once he was reminded that he didn’t need the helmet and shoulder pads, wasn’t half bad at kicking the leather sphere. Meanwhile, Mick the flick was sporting a nice pair of see through pink baggy shorts which would have looked more at home in the women’s lingerie department in El Corte Ingles. Breck sprung another late surprise by making it a match between reds and blacks, but once the boys had got over their initial confusion, they soon settled down to a game of passing and moving, with the occasional misdirected toe poke.

Kevo’s persistent knee problem encouraged him to start out between the sticks for the reds who looked quite strong on paper apart from the fact that no-one really wanted to play at the back. A fact which the blacks were eventually able to exploit. The reds started with Nigel upfront, supported by Ken on the right and half a dozen others who fancied getting their name on the scoresheet. Ian once again played the inverted full-back role adding weight to the reds’ attack and using his knees to good effect for his short-passing game. Meanwhile hardman Laurie was starting to get his walking football legs and exerted a growing influence on the game.

It was the blacks who were the first out the traps though with Dazza once again showing he was willing to shoot from anywhere and not mind pinging the odd ball into the bull ring, graveyard to many a Dazza shot. Rent an argument Stephen popped into goal, thereby minimising his ability to frustrate the opposition while simultaneously presenting them with the opportunity to score a hat full of goals given his well-publicised ineptitude with the gloves. The blacks looked increasingly dangerous as one of Dazza’s many shots thudded against the bar leaving Kevo well beaten. Against the run of play, the reds took the lead thanks to a well struck shot from yours truly spinning past the keeper into the far corner. Reds 1-0 Blacks

This only served to spur the blacks on with the Owl starting to come into his own and linking up well with our Keef the midfield dynamo (simultaneously powering the lights at the Poli). The territorial pressure finally paid off when the Owl swooped into some space on the left and glided the ball past the normally reliable Kevo, who made a bit of a hash of trying to save the shot. Still, even the best keepers can have an off day. Mick the flick was having a great game laying the ball off to his increasingly dominant teammates. Little Al was having his usual dangerous game out on the left wing for the blacks, always willing to cut inside and take on a shot. Sure enough he worked his magic again and fired the blacks into a deserved lead. Reds 1-2 Blacks

Meanwhile Dave the Cab was blowing a gasket at the defensive ineptitude of his teammates and gave them a rocket for playing with eight forwards and two defenders, including the keeper! Even with their massed attacking ranks the reds rarely threatened the blacks’ goal with big Colin the Manc snuffing out any threatening moves, rapidly and stifling any attacking threat from Ken when the wing wizard bore down on goal. The Fish was having another solid game at wingback and gave a masterclass in solid tackling in the mould of chopper Harris. As you know Stephen Mc has been scoring for fun, reining in his desire to initiate a half hour debate about running, and focussing on his undoubted footballing skills. In fact, analysis of the data does indeed show that the number of goals he scores is inversely proportional to the amount of time he spends arguing. Sure enough, a nice move by the blacks involving Dave the owl and wingman Bambi put Stephen in the clear to place a great shot past Kevo. Reds 1-3 Blacks.

The reds were given some encouragement when following some great target man play from Nigel, he teed up your correspondent to volley through the massed defence past the unsighted Fish in goal. Reds 2-3 Blacks. The reds attempted to pepper the blacks’ goal with shots, but merely managed to wear a hole in the surrounding fences with their wayward shooting. However, while trying to play out from the back the reds contrived to misplace a pass, straight to Dazza who (remarkably) banged the ball home to restore the blacks’ two goal lead. Reds 2-4 Blacks.

As Laurie and Dave the Cab started to dominate the midfield the reds began to believe they could turn the game around, although this was a failure of logical thought, as their wayward shooting seemed to suggest their chances of hitting the target were infinitely miniscule. Kevo stepped out of goal to give the reds some more attacking oomph, and they started to exert pressure on the blacks’ goal. Our Keef was looking solid in goal, using his health and safety goalkeeping technique (made famous by most Italian goalkeepers), and punching the ball to safety. However, he hadn’t banked on a reinvigorated Laurie, who banged the ball past a statuesque Keef for a great goal to spur the reds on for their final assault on the blacks’ goal. The reds were so far advanced that even Ian was taking potshots, although their efforts weren’t enough to trouble big Colin in goal. As the seconds ticked down, Nigel was again involved in holding the ball up well and creating an opening for Laurie to launch a great angled drive across the despairing keeper and into the far corner. Reds 4-4 Blacks. On balance this was a fair result with both teams playing some great football.

Thanks to Breck for allowing the game to flow and only blowing up when necessary. It made for a faster more enjoyable game with only one or two dodgy challenges. And a big thanks to Dave the Bee for putting up a bar tab and enabling the lads to celebrate his birthday in style. Thanks Dave. As the alcohol took effect there was a great discussion about: whether we should have a membership scheme; members purchasing red and black bibs / shirts, so no-one has to wash the bibs; updating health forms and having a refresh on the defibrillator. Thoughts on a postcard…