Time until the next game at Benalmadena Polideportivo

Match report by Rory

It’s the Hendo the line

The overnight rain cleared to reveal the Polideportivo in its full glory and made for a fast-paced slick game of “walking” soccerball. With a bumper crowd of 3, the teams were looking forward to the imminent arrival of Jordan Henderson following his ill-fated sojourn to transform Saudi Arabia by playing for footballing household name Al-Whathafaq (average attendance 7000). Human Rights Hendo, desperate for proper footie has signalled his intention to join WFS in the hope that he can stay on England Manager Gareth Southgate’s radar in the run up to another disappointing Euros for England.

Surprisingly, it was the reds versus the blacks with Breck looking at himself in the mirror and repeating 100 times….I have picked two evenly matched teams, I have picked two evenly matched teams… But Breck, saying it repeatedly doesn’t make it true. Just ask Rish! And his claims about a certain dodgy African country. I don’t care if Arsenal have it on their shirts. I ain’t visiting Rwanda anytime soon because it ain’t safe.

Anyway, there was no question that, even to the visually impaired observer, there were a few extra pounds being carried around by the trundlers following an exuberant Christmas and New Year. The blacks started off well with some slick passing and movement orchestrated by our Keef playing libero. With running not walking Dave and total football Han in midfield the ball was perfectly fizzing across the damp turf. Stephen decided he was going to take the game seriously and was on fire in the early stages providing a good outlet for his dynamic midfield and well supported by Bambi marauding down the left. Eventually, a friendly word stopped Bambi from marauding and got him to concentrate on playing footie. Little Al was doing a Gnonto down the right wing and stretching the reds who for some reason had a surfeit of players who wanted to play on that side of the pitch. Meanwhile, flick it on striker Mike did what he does well, flick it on.

Meanwhile, the reds were chasing their tails because they were infinitely better at doing that than passing the ball to a teammate. With Dazza in goal there was always going to be a chance for the opposition, and the reds hadn’t quite worked out who was playing where. It was good to have Milky Steve back in the game, with his confident forward passing and well-timed (Ed: is that a typo?) tackles. Ian took up an inverted fullback position, moving into midfield on the rare occasion when the reds moved into the attacking half. The blacks took a deserved lead when Stephen ghosted through the defence to accept a nice through ball, spin on a sixpence, give Dazza the eyes (in a gift-wrapped box) before planting the ball high into the goal. Nice strike. Reds 0-1 Blacks.

While Stephen attempted to negotiate the return of his eyes from Dazza, the reds went on the attack with Rory, Kevo and Laurie linking well to create a chance for Owls’ hitman Dave who glided into space and forced the keeper into a save. The reds kept drifting to the right leaving gaping holes on the left side of their defence. Even Dazza could spot the problem, his plaintiff cries soaring over the heads of his teammates…watch Stephen, watch Stephen! And indeed that’s all we did as the blacks once again picked out their star striker who (much to his obvious embarrassment) proceeded to scuff his shot into the far corner. Reds 0-2 Blacks.

As the game wore on the reds eventually managed to get a foothold in the game with Ian working his way into more advanced positions and Kevo linking well with Dave the Bee up front. However, their wayward shooting didn’t trouble the blacks’ keeper who had constructed a makeshift hammock between the posts…wake me up at the final whistle. Just to rub salt in the wounds, running not walking Dave released Bambi down the right, once again exposing the reds’ lack of a left sided player. Much to the amazement of the reds defence (which paid more than a passing resemblance to the statuesque street performers you see in Malaga) the spindly legged AI expletive generator maestro, fired a beauty across Dave the Bee in goal and into the far corner. What a goal! Reds 0-3 Blacks.

This gave the reds the kick they needed to escape their torpor and start applying some pressure to the blacks’ goal, particularly as both Stephen and our Keef took a turn between the sticks. The reds had been a tad unlucky with both Ken and Dazza thundering shots against the woodwork. Although the reds started to gain some territorial dominance, they were incapable of disturbing the snoozing blacks’ keeper. In fact, the goal was so undisturbed that even total football Han had time for a ten-minute siesta.

Just when it looked like your correspondent wouldn’t have too many goalscorers to remember, a brilliant through ball picked out Ken up front, the wiley inside forward bore down on goal and blasted it into the top corner to give the reds a glimmer of hope. Reds 1-3 Blacks.

But it wasn’t to be. With our Keef barking instructions to his teammates, the blacks’ defensive discipline soon returned. Despite numerous efforts from Kevo and yours truly to level up the scores the blacks’ defensive line held firm, and they smugly made their way to the bar.

Final Score Reds 1-3 Blacks

Another fine game with the final score not quite reflecting the balance of the match. Well played boys.