11th September

Match Report by Rory

Let’s face it, did anyone really believe that VAR was going to result in more consistent decision making in a full-blooded game of soccerball? The fact is, soccerball is full of injustices and inconsistencies and if you can’t live with that cold, harsh fact then you should quickly shuffle your way out the door marked “do one”.

Well, Breck surpassed himself again by drawing his magical deck of cards and coming up with two fiercely competitive sides. It was no coincidence that Fireman John was needed to put out a few on field fires as two combustible teams went head-to-head. The game started out at a fearsome pace with the reds dominating the early exchanges. Stan the man held the reds together at the back, ably marshalling his skilful midfield and forward line. With (soon to be disappointed) Arsenal fanatic John starting between the sticks the reds went with a tried and tested formation of Rory sitting in front of arch tactician Stan at the back. 80s disco king Al drifted down the right flank in his four-inch platforms, supported by energetic powerhouses Stacy and Kaj bludgeoning their way through the blacks’ defence.

Meanwhile, ball juggling circus act Yoza led the line for the blacks with his multiple stepovers and subtle flicks. With StepHEN being discarded back to the Amazon warehouse, the blacks welcomed the return of the slightly technically inferior human version Stephen to the team, supported by media hungry pleasure craft impresario and angsty Man Utd supporter Kevin. Dynamic Dazza started between the sticks with wee Eddie given a free Foden role up front, playing off Yoza’s many flicks.

With the play being more congested than a rush hour drive through the Dartford Tunnel, chances were few and far between. Both sides knew that it would need a bit of brilliance to break down two stout defences. The first goal eventually arrived following a rare foray forward by Rickmansworth’s finest, Stan, who pinged a slide rule pass through a mass of players to Johnny who had ghosted his way to the far post. The big man commendably kept his cool and took one touch before hammering the ball into the bottom corner from a tight angle. What a goal to give the reds a deserved early lead. Reds 1-0 Blacks.

The reds responded brilliantly and turned the heat up under the reds with their superior pass and move play. Stephen had a great game as a pound shop Peter Osgood, holding the ball up well and laying it off for wee Eddie and Yoza to run onto. Eventually the pressure took its toll with wee Eddie finding space where there was none and latching onto a great through ball from Yoza. With only Rory to beat he skilfully slotted it through the despairing keeper’s legs to level the score. 1-0 Reds.

Stacy and Kaj gave the reds a powerful forward line, although thankfully for the blacks, neither could hit the side of two barn doors placed together in front of the goal. One consolation was Stacy winning the “Dazza Award” for an attempt on goal that resulted in the ball being launched over the 20-metre-high fencing, specifically designed to prevent this very thing. Although the blacks had the power, they lacked the more nuanced approach of the reds who were starting to dominate the midfield exchanges.  With Al in goal for the reds they started to play it out with more confidence from the back. Unfortunately, this eventually backfired when following a bit of confusion between Al and Rory the ball was intercepted by Yoza’s talismanic left foot, which sent the ball sailing straight back into the top of the net to give the blacks the lead with only 15 mins to go.

Although the reds pressed hard for an equaliser, their multitude of shots rarely troubled the blacks’ keeper. With the minutes and seconds inexorably ticking down, a penalty was controversially awarded to the reds after Stephen had gormlessly wandered out of his goal with the ball and proceeded to lose procession to Stan who launched the ball towards the empty goal. The unfortunate Yoza had tried to cover for his keeper, but in doing so presented his elbow “unnaturally” to the ball and thus prevented a goal from being scored.  After 10 mins of good-natured debate (two black eyes and a bloodied nose later), Stan stepped forward and with literally the last kick of the game, stroked the ball past the static Stephen. On the balance of play, probably a fair outcome although the blacks were probably right to feel a bit hard done by.

Final Score Reds 2-2 Blacks

Match Report by the Commander

REDS …2 versus BLACK’S …4

There was much confusion when everyone retired to the bar afterwards with the Blacks claiming they had won 5-1 and referee Breck claiming it was a draw.

The so called elite group were playing on the far side of the Polideportivo pitch nearest to the main road refereed by Fireman Sam, however upon seeing a cyclist ride into the back of a car and coming worse, off he ran around the perimeter fencing at the Polideportivo and being a qualified first aider offered assistance to the injured cyclist..

Breck, refereeing the old farts game at this stage, and being a nosey git, decided to go walkabout towards where the incident had occurred, leaving the players in the old farts match oblivious to what was going on, as was your match correspondent.

In the meanwhile the old farts continued to play on without a referee, hence the confusion in the bar afterwards as to the correct score, your match correspondent thinking they were just having a knock about in Breck’s absence.

Bambi, as is his want, claimed he had scored a penalty whilst there was no referee, with  Breck adamant that it would not be allowed as he hadn’t seen the incident.

Before this traffic accident, new boy Doug put the blacks one up before the end of the first quarter.

For some reason, Keef took it on himself to swap his red bib at this stage for the black one of Boris, no doubt trying to make sure he ended up on the winning side.

Just before the end of the 2nd quarter, Dave scored a blaster from distance for the blacks giving Audrey in goal no chance.

A defensive miss kick by Fred in the blacks goalmouth area allowed the Owl to score a simple poachers goal for the reds to reduce the deficit to 2-1 to the blacks.

After Breck had resumed his refereeing duties, other goals for the blacks by Keef and Mike and another from the Owl for the reds, made the final score 4-2 to the blacks.

The debate went on for sometime afterwards in the bar about the correct score with the blacks, and particularly Bambi, claiming they had scored five. Breck stuck to his guns that they hadn’t and H proved the old adage about the power of the pen!