Match reports by Rory
Keef had arranged for the Karaoke Kings to play a Rest of the World Team in the los pedos rapidos game farthest from the bar. The KKs wearing the red bibs had Gerry Rafferty impersonator big Al using his multiple arms and legs up front to create chances for his advancing team mates. Al was brilliantly supported by the Dave who was inspired by the Owls’ late run into the championship playoffs. With Breck, Trevor and Pete providing a robust back three, the reds’ defence looked impenetrable. To cap things off, Tony Bennett ladies favourite crooner Laurie, smoozed his way between the posts. Stephen, who so nearly hit some great passes, positioned himself in midfield and did a great job of linking up with one of big Al’s many legs. Meanwhile, Alan took up an advanced position on the KKs right, giving the classic song-murderers some attacking width.
The Rest of the World Team had the deadly, dangerous Dane and super goal-poacher Max up front with a solid midfield containing total footballers Han, Hans, (and bumps-a-daisy). Ace midfielder and Pep protégé Hamid wove some pretty passing patterns to link defence and midfield, and box to box Olaf was deployed to break up the reds’ attacks. At the back the reds have the suave ball playing Manuel teaming up with the calm and energetic Bjarne. With Rory in the team due to his deployment of a flag of convenience, the teams looked evenly balanced.
The blacks started well, effortlessly knocking the ball from back to front without the reds touching it. Unfortunately, this inspiring 10 minute spell of football was as good as it got for the worldies. Max managed to wriggle free from the attendant defenders for a couple of half-chances, but acrobatic crooner Laurie was up to the task. The reds’ superior vocal range eventually took its toll on the toiling blacks, and following a slick move Alan ran onto a nice cross from big Al and struck it perfectly into the far corner of the goal.
The blacks went in search of an equaliser, but despite their best efforts, Laurie pulled of a string of fine saves, hurling his aged bones to both sides of the goal in an athletic display of goalkeeping. Meanwhile Pete who was breaking up the blacks attacks and working well with Breck, started to increasingly hit the ever mobile big Al up front. This was ideal for Dave the prolific Owl front-man who soon found the corner of the net with a (as always) precise strike into the corner. Dave wasted no time before finding the goal again and seemingly burying the beleaguered blacks who were undeservedly on the wrong end of three goals.
The blacks adopted a high pressing game, keeping the reds pinned down on the edge of their box. After 5 minutes of tedium and back passing to the keeper, Dave the Owl finally had enough and brilliantly volleyed a great shot past his own keeper. 3-1 to the reds. Weirdly, the blacks were back in it, although not for long.
The reds were in total control with (“nearly a great pass”) Stephen, still managing to deliver some average passes into his mobile forwards. While trying to ensure big Al couldn’t unleash one of his thunderbolts. The blacks’ defence was leaving space for the Owl in the hole, Dave. Just when things were starting to look up for the blacks comeback, the reds had a fast breakaway down the right wing with Trevor and Pete linking well before firing in a cross which Hans superbly fired into the top corner of his own goal giving the reds an undeserved 4-1 lead. As the blacks became ever more desperate to get another goal, Breck unleashed another of his 30 yard passes onto the lurking goal-hanger Dave who didn’t need a second chance before slotting the ball past the advancing Bjarne. The Wednesday legend had gone and bagged himself another hat-trick, putting the hapless blacks ruthlessly to the sword. Thankfully, Breck finally blew the final whistle, enabling the weary soccer-ballers to retire to the bar to discuss the relationship between quantum physics and quantum mechanics in explaining Einstein’s theory of relativity.
Immanuel Kant
