30th October

Match report by Rory

The Day of the Dead arrives two days early…..

In their more optimistic moments, the walking footballers start to believe that they’re actually quite good at knocking the ball around. Well take it from me, after going through the BBC fact checking service it’s official. The football is S**TE!! Once again, contrary to some very strong rumours, it was the reds against the blacks. With Bambi being a late withdrawal for the blacks, there was a long debate about whether it was a disadvantage or advantage if he wasn’t in the team. The general consensus was that it was a better game with Bambi’s inspirational cries to teammates of: “you useless facking cant!” and “pass the ball you cant”.

The blacks were clearly the stronger team but had to play with a man down and rush keeper. The reds started with Motherwell reserves 5th team super striker Mick up front, with his tricky flicks and knock offs (ok, just a few dodgy medium wave radios). Big Nigel played target man with tricky Al drifting in from the left. Kevo was playing in the hole (he’d dug himself into) just off Nigel.

Your correspondent was playing a holding midfield role backed by new boy Dave (which one? Who knows there’s 20 of them in the game). The reds had a solid back line incorporating reformed tackler from behind; Pete. Klaus and Pete the Fish took up their usual position as wingbacks. Audrey donned the gloves for the first quarter.

Meanwhile, the blacks stuck knee-knacked Gary up front with the intention of relying on the quick break. He was backed up by a top-quality midfield comprising a trio of Daves (Bee, Cab, and Jock). (Only genuine Wrexham supporter in the World) Steve was playing a false number nine and sporting a permanent marker moustache a la Groucho Marx and some horn-rimmed specs. Meanwhile, our Keef settled in as an inverted full-back with a footballing arrogance that can only come with supporting one of the worst teams in the Championship. Ian was playing down the right flank, ably demonstrating how the knee and shin is an equally important part of the body as the foot when kicking the ball. Thunderbolt left peg Paul locked and loaded his howitzer with walking (not running) Dave the cab, working hard down the left. Stephen started out in goal, which restricted his ability to start an argument with anyone, but couldn’t prevent him from giving his usual running commentary.

The reds started out well, knocking the ball around in the middle of the park without remotely threatening the blacks’ goal. However, two minutes in our Keef realised that the reds were showing more than a passing resemblance to the walking dead as they shuffled about aimlessly and ignored the opposition wandering in the midst. Sure enough, our Keef pinged the ball through to Gary, like Rocket Ronnie O’Sullivan potting the last black on the table. The pass shot through the amassed zombie defence leaving Gary on his own in front of goal. Gary didn’t need a second invitation before caressing the ball past the despairing, full-length, Swan Lake dying swan dive by Audrey. Blacks 1-0 Reds.

The reds had been good in possession, but as we all know so well, you don’t get points for process!! Nigel was having a solid game up front and doing a nice job of laying the ball off to his teammates who were initially struggling the hit the side of what was a pretty big barn door. Eventually, even he began to realise he’d have to do it himself, and following some nice approach play involving Kevo, yours truly, and Al, Nigel sprung the defensive trap and found himself through on goal. He took the goal with aplomb, otherwise known as his right peg. Blacks 1-1 Reds.

Game on! Just went it looked like the reds were going to blow the blacks away, our Keef once again changed the flow of the game (much as it pains me to say so). With the reds’ defence looking solid, the soon to be announced new head coach at QPR (they’ve run out of options, and cash!!) unleashed a low drive from 25 metres into the bottom corner. Well, we were all as surprised as you are readers, given our Keef’s tendency to balloon the ball high and wide. What a goal. Blacks 2-1 Reds.

The reds resumed their siege of the blacks’ goal, but their wayward shooting let them down, with the exception of little Al who tested out the blacks’ keeper with a couple of great shots as he cut in from the left flank. The blacks’ propensity to run in and tackle from behind eventually yielded yet another free kick in front of goal. A quick pass from Nigel sent yours truly through on goal, and despite a last-ditch effort from Welsh Steve to clear the ball, he only succeeded in touching it onto your correspondent’s right peg. This served to fool the keeper and the ball bobbled over the line to level the game. Blacks 2-2 Reds.

As the reds pressed for a winner, they contrived to lose their shape and proceeded to play 8 in attack thereby leaving the defence a tad threadbare. This opened the door to another chance for goal-hanging Gary and sure enough the blacks were smart enough to boot the ball up the pitch to the hobbling striker who found himself in home alone in front of the goal. Once again, he showed his prowess in a one on one with the keeper and calmly passed the ball into the goal past the befuddled Fish.

Although the reds made a valiant attempt to get back on terms, Paul in the blacks’ goal unleashed his spring-loaded trainers and leapt athletically into the air to tip a brilliant dipping shot from little Al over the bar. Despite bombarding the blacks’ goal for the last five minutes and Kevo having a fine drive cannon back off the post, the reds couldn’t force an equaliser.

Final Score Blacks 3-2 Reds

Another great game played in a good spirit and on balance a fair result.

As a halloween/dio del muerto treat, last thursdays team picture.