Time until the next game at Benalmadena Polideportivo

Report by Steve McHugh 

Another glorious day of cloudless skies at Benalmádena Polideportivo with temperatures in the high 20’s. A few players were bemoaning the heat until it was pointed out the weather in Wigan this morning was raining and 13 degrees.

The game was very well refereed by Steve Loasby with a 2-1 win for the winning team. Now, please note this obligatory warning, especially for the faint-hearted; you’re going to hear Commander Geoff mentioned a few times below and, for that, I apologise. He had an eventful day. Oh boy, did he have a day.

The first issue concerns the absence of Keith, today and Monday. This leaves Geoff as the only responsible adult in charge of us candy-ass dingbats. However, he rose to the occasion and that old motto was proven true; “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Orders and insults were thrown around like confetti at a wedding. As everyone who knows Geoff can confirm, he was in his element. It wasn’t long before the muttering started in the ranks, “when’s Keith coming back?” Don’t worry guys, he’s back next week!

Next issue was team selection. Before kick-off, a few players on the black team suggested Geoff may have been a little over-enthusiastic with the balance of the the two sides but, in the end, it was an even contest played in a very good spirit by all players. The only difference was Geoff. Plain and simples. More of that later.

At kick-off, the reds had the unusual strategy of lining up all the players in a defensive line on the edge of their penalty area, almost like a line of riot police. This obviously triggered Geoff and set the scene for the day.

As always, there was some football, some controversy and “colourful” language from Geoff. Johan scored both goals for the black team, one of them a screamer which took the skin off Geoff’s knuckles, and Dave scored for the reds with a typical poachers goal, surrounded by defenders.

However, and this reporter is trying to be as kind as possible here, Geoff (red tabard) was goalkeeper and screwed up worse than Karius in the 2018 Champions League final. He passed the ball to Johan (black tabard). Johan politely said, “thank you” and tapped the ball into the net. Words were said by Geoff. Very naughty words.

Another incident was between Breck and, yes, you’ve guessed it, Geoff. VAR showed Breck was half a metre outside of the area when he turned to shoot. VAR also shows Geoff’s feet were inside the area (just). However, Breck was somehow bundled off the ball by Geoff’s substantial midriff. Amazingly, VAR again shows Geoff’s feet were still inside the area. Penalty or no penalty? You decide. Referee Steve took the wise decision to side with Geoff and declared “no penalty” which was promptly followed by cries of “coward”! 😉

Other highlights were Alvin taking a shot from 40 metres out. Even he couldn’t explain why he tried. To add insult to injury, Steve blew for a high ball before it went out for a throw-in. Jeez, Al.

Max didn’t score. Nothing else I can say about that, really.

Same story for Ken and Ken. They had 27 good shots between them, but nada.

However, all the above was instantly forgotten as we all retired to the bar. All in all, it was just your typical sunny day in southern Spain where some privileged guys were giving the Commander a hard time, chasing a bag of wind around a field and no-one cared about the score. It was a good day for all. A very good day. Even for Geoff.

Back in the bar, it was a unanimous decision that Olaf be awarded man of the match today, sharing the award with his magnificent sausages in dressing gowns!

Over and out!